Ya Got Trouble

A pool table don't you understand? Friend, either you're closing your eyes To a situation you do not wish to acknowledge Or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated By the presence of a pool table in your community Well, Ya got trouble, my friend, right here I say, trouble right here in River City Why sure I'm a billiard player Certainly mighty proud I say I'm always mighty proud to say it I consider that the hours I spend With a cue in my hand are golden Help you cultivate horse sense And a cool head and a keen eye You ever take and try to find An iron-clad leave for yourself From a three-rail billiard shot? But just as I say It takes judgment, brains, and maturity to score In a balkline game I say that any boob can take And shove a ball in a pocket And I call that sloth The first big step on the road To the depths of deg-ra-Day-- I say, first, medicinal wine from a teaspoon Then beer from a bottle An' the next thing ya know Your son is playin' for money In a pinch-back suit And list'nin to some big out-a-town jasper Hearin' him tell about horse-race gamblin' Not a wholesome trottin' race, no! But a race where they set down right on the horse! Like to see some stuck-up jockey'boy Settin' on Dan Patch? Make your blood boil? Well, I should say Now, Friends, lemme tell you what I mean Ya got one, two, three, four, five, six pockets in a table Pockets that mark the diff'rence Between a gentlemen and a bum With a capital "B" And that rhymes with "P" and that stands for pool! And all week long your River City Youth'll be fritterin' away I say your young men'll be fritterin'! Fritterin' away their noontime, suppertime, choretime too! Get the ball in the pocket Never mind gettin' dandelions pulled Or the screen door patched or the beefsteak pounded Never mind pumpin' any water 'Til your parents are caught with the cistern empty On a Saturday night and that's trouble Yes you got lots and lots of trouble I'm thinkin' of the kids in the knickerbockers Shirt-tail young ones, peekin' in the pool Hall window after school, ya got trouble, folks! Right here in River City Trouble with a capital "T" And that rhymes with "P" and that stands for pool! Now, I know all you folks are the right kind of parents I'm gonna be perfectly frank Would ya like to know what kinda conversation goes On while they're loafin' around that Hall? They be tryin' out Bevo, tryin' out cubebs Tryin' out Tailor Mades like cigarette fiends! And braggin' all about How they're gonna cover up a tell-tale breath with Sen-Sen One fine night, they leave the pool hall Headin' for the dance at the Arm'ry! Libertine men and Scarlet women! And Rag-time, shameless music That'll grab your son, your daughter With the arms of a jungle animal instinct! Mass-staria! Friends, the idle brain is the devil's playground! Trouble (Oh we got trouble) Right here in River City! (Right here in river city) With a capital "T" That rhymes with "P" And that stands for Pool (That stands for Pool) We've surely got trouble! (We've surely got trouble!) Right here in River City (Right here!) Gotta figure out a way To keep the young ones moral after school! (Our children, children going to have trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble) Mothers of River City! Heed that warning before it's too late! Watch for the tell-tale signs of corruption! The minute your son leaves the house Does he rebuckle his knickerbockers below the knee? Is there a nicotine stain on his index finger? A dime novel hidden in the corn crib? Is he starting to memorize jokes from Captain Billy whizzbang? Are certain words creeping into his conversation? Words like 'swell?" And 'so's your old man?" Well, if so my friends Ya got trouble (Oh we got trouble) Right here in River City! (Right here in River City!) With a capital "T" And that rhymes with "P" And that stands for Pool (That stands for Pool) We've surely got trouble! (We've surely got trouble!) Right here in River City! (Right Here!) Remember the Maine Plymouth Rock and the Golden Rule! (The children, children going to have trouble) Oh, we've got trouble We're in terrible, terrible trouble That game with the fifteen numbered balls is a devil's tool! (Devil's tool!) Oh yes we got trouble, trouble, trouble! (Oh yes, we got trouble here, we got big big trouble!) With a "T"! (With a capital "T"!) Gotta rhyme it with "P"! (That rhymes with "P"!) And that stands for Pool (That stands for Pool!)