Alone

It was three days before the funeral So happy to see me The feeling was mutual You wanted pictures and told me how mom was beautiful Couldn't fight the feeling It was too unusual Joey dropped me off from a show that we did in Wichita Told you how me him & JL was out there getting off I miss the way that you would catch me on stage And how we would chill and hang Share stories and laugh for days but That's just something I'm not getting back No idea how much I would give to get that feeling back Now it's thoughts in the air of loss and despair And how much that it would affect me all through years It still leaves me in paralysis You were supposed to quit smoking go back to dialysis Wait for me to put you on one of these fabulous immaculate multi million dollar palaces Now all I have is this last conversation Over the years it's been getting less hard to play it Going through alla these memories had me remembering Now you're gone and I fucking hate it I don't know which was worse Mother's Day was the day that you died Or that I didn't even get a chance to say my goodbyes All I know there's no way to disguise All the pain in my eyes How it feels like I'm wasting my time All I do is ask and pray God please give me the strength so I can masquerade Sipping from a flask for days So high I could catch a plane Ain't seen my ass for days Cuz I was afraid for any y'all to see my ass this way There was no consoling me Even from people that were close to me Had no real way of controlling me Cuz no matter how many times I'ma play this back It'll never change the fact you're really gone from me Lord help me Wanted you to be healthy But now you and mom are gone I'm alone and feeling empty And there's nothing no one can tell me All I can do is rely on these drugs and getting fucked up to help me