Auntie Diaries

Heart plays in ways the mind can't figure out Heart plays in ways the mind can't- Heart plays in ways the mind can't figure out This is how we conceptualize human beings My auntie is a man now I think I'm old enough to understand now Drinking Paul Masson with her hat turned backwards Motorola pager, off-white Guess jacket Blue Air Max's, gold chains and curl kits '93 Nissan wax job, the earliest Big social, big personality, vocal Played underground verbatim and stayed local My auntie is a man now I watch him and his girl hold their hands down Tip of the avenues under street lights made his Thinking, "I want me a bad bitch when I get big" They hug on the corner like California king Cold hand all up her skirt, cars whistling down the road See, my auntie is a man now, slight bravado Scratching the likes from lotto Hoping that she pull up tomorrow So I can hang out in the front seat Six by nines, keeping the music up under me My auntie is a man now I asked my momma why my uncles don't like him that much And at the parties why they always wanna fight him that much She said, "ain't no telling Niggas always been jealous because he had more women More money and more attention made more envy Calling him anything but broke was less offending" My auntie is a man now I think I'm old enough to understand now Drinking Paul Masson with her hat turned backwards Back when it was comedic relief to say "faggot" "Faggot, faggot, faggot," we ain't know no better Elementary kids with no filter, however My auntie became a man and I took pride in it She wasn't gay, she ate pussy, and that was the difference That's what I told my friends in second grade She picking me up from school, they stare at her in the face They couldn't comprehend what I grew accustomed We pull off bumping quick like it was nothing My auntie is a man now, what a relationship I grew up fast, I needed no one to babysit He gave me some cash, then gave me some game Cherry freshener on the dash, I never complained She even cut my hair at the pad, was loving my fade The first person I seen write a rap, that's when my life had changed House full of demo, smoke stuck on the window Cameras on the microphone, all women and men though My auntie was a man now, we cool with it The history had trickled down and made us ig'nant My favorite cousin said he's returning the favor And following my auntie with the same behavior Demetrius is Mary-Ann now He's more confident to live his plan now But the family in disbelief this time Convincing themselves, "He ain't living discreet, he's fine" They said they never seen it in him, but I seen it The Barbie dolls played off the reflection of Venus He built a wall so tall you couldn't climb over He didn't laugh as hard when the kids start joking "Faggot, faggot, faggot," we ain't know no better Middle school kids with no filter, however I had to be very mindful of my good cousin I knew exactly who he was, but I still loved him Demetrius is Mary-Ann now I mean he's really Mary-Ann, even took things further Changed his gender, before Bruce Jenner was certain Living his truth, even if it meant see a surgeon We didn't talk for a while, he seemed more distant Wasn't comfortable around me, everything was offensive But I recall we both had a sick sense of humor Made raw, but time changes all Demetrius is Mary-Ann now Remember church, Easter Sunday? I sat in the pew, you had stronger faith More spiritual and enthused with living life straight Which I found ironic 'cause the pastor didn't see him the same He said my cousin was going through some things He promised the world we living in was an act on abomination and Demetrius was to blame I knew you was conflicted by the feelings of preacherman Wondering if God still call you a decent man Still, you found the courage to be subservient just to anoint Until he singled you out to prove his point, saying "Demetrius is Mary-Ann now Church, his auntie is a man now", it hurt You the most 'cause your belief was close to his words Forcing me to stand now I said, "Mr. Preacher man, should we love thy neighbor? The laws of the land or the heart, what's greater? I recognize the study she was taught since birth But that don't justify the feelings that my cousin preserved" The building was thinking out loud, bad angel That's when you looked at me and smiled, said, "Thank you" The day I chose humanity over religion The family got closer, it was all forgiven I said them F-bombs, I ain't know any better Mistakenly, I didn't think that you'd know any different See, I was taught words was nothing more than a sound If everything was pronounced without any intentions The very second you challenged the shit I was kicking Reminded me about a show I did out the city That time I brung a fan on stage to rap But disapproved the word that she couldn't say with me You said, "Kendrick, ain't no room for contradiction To truly understand love, switch position" "Faggot, faggot, faggot," we can say it together But only if you let a white girl say, "Nigga"