Verified

I used to have no friends and no job And I'd sit around with no pants on Had no dates, got no love 'Cause I still live with my grandma And everyone treated me badly (you suck!) City bus would drive right past me My dog even said, "We're over!" He wants to see other owners (Hey!) So I talked to a doctor (Hey!) 'Cause I was overthinking (Hey!) That day she quit and she recommended I just start drinking (You got problems) My dating profile said, "Just swipe left" 'Cause I know I'll annoy them Women wouldn't even look my direction Hey, Siri! (I have a boyfriend) Then one day I overslept (huh?) Woke up late like, "What the heck?" (Wait) Checked my socials, wait a sec (what?) Next to my name was a big blue check? Bitch, I'm verified Bitch, I'm verified (I get the blue check, I get the blue check, I-I get the blue check) Bitch, I'm verified I'm feeling tremendous Now people clap when I finish up a sentence (yeah) Now they build a statue to honor my existence (oh, God) Now I got the president filling up my mentions (woo) I don't need a chauffeur I ain't had a car since last October Ever since they gave me a Nobel Prize I don't drive 'cause the crowd carries me everywhere on their shoulders (Hey!) They put my face on a dollar (Hey!) I grew a few inches taller (Hey!) Being verified is amazing Ellen hit me up and said she wants to have my baby (I love you!) And they tore down the Sphinx And replaced it with my face and my social links And they named a new species of dinosaur after me Puff-Puffasaurus, naturally When I hang around the Queen She's the one who bows to me She's gotta show respect 'Cause I'm the one with the big blue check Bitch, I'm verified Bitch, I'm verified (I get the blue check, I get the blue check, I-I get the blue check) Bitch, I'm verified (I get the blue check, I get the blue check, I-I get the blue check) Bitch, I'm verified Puff-Puff, Puff-Puff! It's time to cut the grass! No, grandma! I don't have to mow I'm verified now! A veggie-what? I don't care if you eat meat or not You get out there and cut that grass! Ugh!