The Main Character

I'm that first-person they talk about in all the books I'm that perspective you cannot doubt, see how I look Control the narrative reliably, baby, it's all about me And I wrote the book about throwing the book At those who don't do it by it So now I'm holding myself hostage Stockholm lust just looks like justice And enough lefts don't make the right but two wrongs do Oh man, Sun Tzu would love this Beating my dead high horse off the high road to low ground 'Cause if you shake your fist at snakes in grass It looks like punching down So, God forbid I'm seen just as an average human being I mean, imagine if protagonists just died in the first scene I'm the gap between a tragedy and comedy Don't come at me I'm the main character, and you have to like me I loot plot armor from NPCs Well, they are to me Trite, tropes, traits, traumas, trinkets, and treats, it's all XP Look in the sky, it's a bird, it's a plane, no, it's superego The underdog you cheer for Villains are everywhere, that's how I know that I'm the hero So tie me to the train tracks, laugh, and snidely twist your mustache Snidely Whiplash, Boris Badenov, ignoring me's bad enough Where do you get off? Da, das vedanya, darling Daleks in high collars monologue And I outsmart them with a ray-gun and a tweet So, God forbid I'm seen just as an average human being I mean, imagine if protagonists just died in the first scene I'm the gap between a tragedy and comedy Don't come at me I'm the main character, and you have to like me Judge me by what my cover shows, author becomes beyond reproach You don't know the prose or if the spine is still intact Oh, like Alice fell to Wonderland, come astroturf my Overton And embolden my demand to live by alternative facts Her majesty says, "The Royal We demand a standard of loyalty An agreement to be reverent, lick the emperor's new boots" The court fool got the guillotine The witches the stake, you the dopamine And Siemens made the Zyklon B, but we all still get the flu We all do what we need to to get through (It's nothing new) But I ain't done a fucking thing to you So, God forbid I'm seen just as an average human being I mean, imagine if antagonists lacked any evil scheme I'm the gap between a tragedy and comedy Don't come at me I'm the main character, and you have to like me