Roxanne's Revenge

("Roxanne, feel it!" "A world premiere...") Well, my name is Roxanne, a-don't ya know I just a-cold rock a party, and I do this show A-let me tell you and explain them all to you: I said I met these three guys, and you know that's true I met this dude with the name of a hat I didn't even walk away, I didn't give him no rap But then he got real mad, and he got a little tired If he worked for me, you know he would be fired His name is Kangol, and that is cute He ain't got money, and he ain't got the loot And every time that I see him, he's always a-beggin' And all the other girls that he's always tryin' to leggin' But, see, compared to me it's weak compared to mine Every time that he sees me, he says a rhyme A-every time I know that I am sayin' somethin' fresher And every time that I say it there ain't nothin' less In any category I'm considered the best And everybody knows I will win the contest So, then, after that came the Educated Rapper His fingers started snappin', and my hands start to clappin' Every time-a that I see him, everything he say A-every time he says, he says it dumber this way: He said-a, "Yeah, you know your mother's name is Mary," But all he wanna do is just-a bust a cherry Every time that I see him, he's sayin' somethin' new But let me explain to him what he should do: He should be like me, a fly MC Don't never have to bite, we're always right I have the freshest rhymes that I do recite And after that, and you know it's true He ain't really cute, and he ain't great Well, let me tell you somethin' else about the Doctor, too: He don't even know how to operate He came up to me with some bullshit rap But let me tell you somethin' 'cause you know it was wack So when he came up to me, I told him to step back He said, "You call yourself an MC?" I said, "This is true," He said, "Explain to me really what MCs must do." I said, "Listen very close 'cause I don't say this every day: My name is Roxanne, and they call me Shantty." But every time-a I say a rhyme-a just-a like-a this-a It's something that you MCs just won't-a miss-a But, see, you said it in a language so you wouldn't have to bite And if you think it's cute-a, and you think it's all right You started talkin' Pig Latin, didn't make no sense You thought you was cute, yeah, you thought you was a prince You're walkin' down the block, holdin' your jock But everybody knows that you're all on my yacht I'm just the devastatin', always rockin', always have the niggas clockin' Everybody knows it's me, yeah, the R-O-X-A-N-N-E, yeah Down with everybody fresh and everyone that I possess And every time I do it right-a, everyone is sure to bite-a Rockin' on the beat-a that you can see And every time I have a DJ like Ice Every time I do it, yeah, you know it is-a me-a Because a-everything he does is off-the-wall He ain't right, yeah, he ain't nice The way he gets on the tables, yes Compared to my man Marley Marl So, the UTFO crew, you know what you can do Everyone knows that he is fresh Every time you sayin' somethin' just-a like-a this-a Lemme tell you one for me, and then I'll tell you one for you And if you're thinkin' that I'm bitin' your beat Well, then you just better know, and a-listen to me It ain't nothin' that I don't wanna miss-a Because my name is Roxanne-a, and I came to say I'm rockin' to the beat-a, and I do it every day I'm conceited, never beated, never heard of defeated I'm rockin' to the beat-a, and you know it is-a me-a: The R-O-X-A-N-N-E-A And if you wanna play a little game for me Lemme show you what you can do, baby I have all the niggas droppin' down like this 'Cause with a twist of my cheek, and a twist of my wrist Yeah, I am fly but don't take this And everybody knows I don't go for it So, if you're tryin' to be cute and you're tryin' to be fine You need to cut it out 'cause it's all in your mind You think you are God, but you do eat lard Tryin' to be like me, yeah, is very hard Tryin' to be cute, and you're tryin' to be fly Don't you know you wish you could be my guy? So I can take you home, make you relax And everybody knows that you're out there, tryin' to tax Like corn-on-the-cob, you're always tryin' to rob You need to be out there, get yourself a job Yeah, you're tryin' to be in search of a Roxanne But lemme let ya know--you're not a real man 'Cause a Roxanne needs a man, and yes: Someone, yeah, who will never fess Someone fresh who always address And then I'll say, yeah, the rest 'Cause everybody knows how the story goes There's no ifs, no ands, no buts, or suppose No coke up your nose, no dope in your vein And then it won't cause no kind of pain I ask you a question, I wanna know why: But yet, and still, you're tryin' to be fly The R-O-X-A-N-N-E? Why'd ya have to make a record 'bout me? ("Roxanne, Roxanne, Oh, my goodness! I wanna be your man! Roxanne, Roxanne And here's our game-plan!")