Why Do I Feel So Empty

Why do I feel so empty? Bored, unfulfilled, like something is missing Like I want something more Like theres this giant, bottomless, infinite Hole inside me So I try to fill it with all kinds of junk to make it go away But these don't work, They give me a quick high, But it doesn't last, leaving me frustrated, addicted, and wanting more So I think, maybe its me - maybe i'm the problem I need to be bigger, better, smarter, funnier, better looking So I build myself up on the outside Into some person that I don't even know, that I don't even like, And on the inside, I beat myself down, sometimes severely And I feel more empty Then I think: Maybe If I get my shit together And have the perfect job, with the perfect life, and the perfect money And all the perfect shiny things I've ever wanted That will fill the hole So I work, and I work, and I work, and I work But these things never work out the way we want And now I got a deal with dead dreams And feeling like a failure And even if they do work out, And I make it to the top And get all the things I always thought would make me happy When I get there I look around and I say, "Now what?" Something's still missing Time passes, the emptiness has been sitting Festering, fermenting, farting, becoming toxic And it changes me, making me, bitter, critical And self-centered, And I blame everyone and everything around me for not fulfilling me And I go from job to job, relationship to Relationship, place to place, Leaving a real path of cheeriness along the way Ultimately, Im tired, I'm done searching I just don't care And I give up trying to solve the mystery of the hole And just deal with it I'm perfectly fine going back to stringing together enough Distractions and stimulations to get me through Keeping me MODERATELY SATISFIED until the day I die Of course, on the outside No one would ever know Everything appears to be going exactly how I wanted it to go, Exactly how I planned it to go A big success, the perfect facade But on the inside, I'm all alone, and I groan