I Don't Feel Alive

Skin and bones, stomach aches Lucid dreams, hold my breath when I'm wide awake Connecticut, dissociate Maybe I should buy a house in a town upstate If I could, I'd wake myself up When I am somebody that I'm proud of I'm getting undressed for my lover And praying she don't hate all my skin like I do I'm reading books and drinking coffee Stepping on a scale I keep in the bathroom The water goes downhill, and still I swim against the current with two arms that cannot fly And I don't feel alive No, I don't feel alive Telehealth, TV episodes Swallow seeds, but the fruit never seems to grow Validate, what I know What I believe in and everywhere I wanna go If I could, I'd wake myself up When I am somebody that I'm proud of I'm paying three different psychologists Trying to remember who I told what story to I'm writing feelings in a journal 'Cause that's what people who have their shit together seem to do The water goes downhill, and still I swim against the current with two arms that cannot fly And I don't feel alive No, I don't feel alive I keep coming up for air and Ending up with water in my- I keep coming up for air and Ending up with water in my lungs I'm learning how to set my boundaries How to have compassion for myself and for my mind I'm turning off my fucking cell phone And trying to have honest conversations in real life The water goes downhill, and still I swim against the current with two arms that cannot fly And I don't feel alive No, I don't feel alive (I don't feel alive, no, no) I keep coming up for air and Ending up with water in my I keep coming up for air and Ending up with water in my (and, I don't feel alive) I keep coming up for air and (no, I don't feel alive) Ending up with water in my (no, I don't feel alive) I keep coming up for air and (no, I don't feel alive) Ending up with water in my Lungs