Jiggery Pokery

'Twas the first test of the Ashes Series 1993. Australia had only managed 289 and we felt all was going to plan that first innings at Old Trafford. Then Merv Hughes and his handlebar moustache dismissed poor Athers. I took the crease to great applause and focussed on me dinner. I knew that I had little cause to fear their young leg spinner. He loosened up his shoulder and, with no run-up at all, he rolled his right arm over and he let go of the ball. It was jiggery pokery, trickery, jokery, How did he open me up? Robbery, muggery, Aussie skull-duggery, Out for a buggering duck. What a delivery. I might as well have been, holding a concert bassoon. Jiggery Pokery who was this nobody making me look a buffoon? Like a blithering old buffoon. At first the ball looked straight enough I had it in me sights, but such was it's rotation that it swerved out to the right. I thought 'Well, that's a leg break. That's easily defended.' So I stuck my left leg out and jammed my bat against it. But the ball it span obscenely and out of the rough it jumped, veered back across my bat and pad clipping my off stump. It took a while to hit me, I momentarily lingered. But then I saw old Dickie Bird slowly raise his finger. It was jiggery pokery, trickery, jokery. How did he open me up? Robbery, muggery, Aussie skull-duggery. Out for a buggering duck. What a delivery. I might as well have been holding a child's balloon. Jiggery Pokery, who was this nobody making me look a buffoon? Like an accident-prone buffoon. How such a ball could be bowled I don't know, but if you asked me if it had been a cheese roll, it would never have got passed me. It was jiggery pokery, trickery, jokery. How did he open me up? Robbery, muggery, Aussie skull-duggery. What in the buggery was his delivery? I might as well have been holding a cob of corn. Jiggery Pokery, who was this nobody making me look so forlorn? I hate Shane Warne!