The Man On the Flying Trapeze

The Man on the Flying Trapeze (As performed by Doodles Weaver) As the crowd roars, to the center ring steps our fractured baritone. Are you in voice Winstead? I believe I am in voice. (Pitch pipe) *Sings out of tune* OOOWWWWWOOOOO Professor? (Pitch pipe) *Sings out of tune* OOOWWWWWOOOOO Ohhh... hunce I was wappy uh, Once I was sappy uh, Sap I was wussy... no, No, no... Once I was happy, buts now I borlorn, uh, Lorn I fow mow, uh, Sigh on lie now, uh, Nylons are free... No, no... Now I'm forlorn... (Pitch pipe) *Sings out of tune* OOOWWWWWOOOOO Like an old goat... Oh no, not a goat, that's an animal. Like an old coat that is tornered and tat, uh... teetered and tonned, Uh... tattered and tipped, uh... tap with a toupee, uh... ripped! (Pitch pipe) *Sings out of tune* OOOWWWWWOOOOO Left in this wide world to sleep and to snore, uh... to weep and to mourn, Betreaned by a jade in her means. No. Bemeaned by a trade for some Jeans. No. Bejeaned by a teen with some jade. No. Betrayed by a maid in her Teens. OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... He floats by his hair. Ooh. Not by his hair. That would hurt! Speaking of hair, a man came up to me and said, "Doodles, your hair is getting thin." And I said, "Well, who wants fat hair?" THAT'S A KILLER! (Pitch pipe) *Sings out of tune* OOOWWWWWOOOOO He floats through the air with the aidest of grease, with the latest of Fleas, uhh... with plates full of cheese. No, no. With the birds and the bees, uhh... he can't miss. (Pitch pipe) *Sings out of tune* OOOWWWWWOOOOO The manning young dare, uh, the daring young mare, He's not a horse, that's silly. He'd break his neck. The fanny young dan, The danny young fan, He's an awful old ham, Uh, he's a young fellow 'bout my age. You know, a funny thing happened, a man came up to me and said, "Doodles, Doodles, did you leave home? I said, "I left home." He said, "Did you put the cat out?" I said, "I didn't know he was on fire!" THAT'S A KILLER! (Pitch pipe) *Sings out of tune* OOOWWWWWOOOOO The daring young man on the flapping tripeze, uh, Treezing triflaps, uh, trying flip flips, uh, flipping triflop, Uh, flapping trivalve, HORIZONTAL BARS! (Pitch pipe) *Sings out of tune* OOOWWWWWOOOOO His grations are axle, no. His actions are horrible, no. He's very good. All girls he doth please. But, my wuv he hath lollen astay. No. The dove's in the hayloft away. No. I'm on the Road to Mandalay. No, hey hey hey! No, now. Did you hear about the owl that married a goat? They had a hootenanny! THAT'S A KILLER! (Pitch pipe) *Sings out of tune* OOOWWWWWOOOOO HE'S THE MAN ON THE FLYING TRAPEEEEZE!