The Homecoming Queen's Got a Gun

It was homecoming night at my high school Everyone was there, it was totally cool I was real excited, I almost wet my jeans 'Cause my best friend Debbie was homecoming queen She looked so pretty in pink chiffon (chiffon) Riding the float with her tiara on (tiara on) Holding this humongous bouquet in her hand (bouquet) She looked straight out of Disneyland You know, like, the Cinderella ride? I mean definitely an E-ticket (e-ticket) The crowd was cheering, everyone was stoked (was stoked) I mean it was like the whole school was totally coked or something The band was playing Evergreen Then all of a sudden, somebody screamed "Look out, the homecoming queen's got a gun!" Everybody run The homecoming queen's got a gun Everybody run The homecoming queen has got a gun Debbie's smiling and waving her gun Picking off cheerleaders one by one Oh, Buffy's pom-pom just blew to bits Oh no, Mitzi's head just did the splits God, my best friend's on a shooting spree Stop it, Debbie, you're embarrassing me How could you do what you just did? Are you having a really bad period? Everybody run The homecoming queen's got a gun Everybody run The homecoming queen has got a gun (Stop Debbie, you're making a mess) (Powder burns all over your dress) An hour later, the cops arrived By then the entire glee club had died, no big loss You wouldn't believe what they brought to stop her Tear gas, machine guns, even a chopper (Throw down your gun and tiara and come out of the float) Debbie didn't listen to what the cop said She aimed and fired, and now the math teacher's dead Oh, it's really sad, but kind of a relief I mean, we had this big test coming up next week Everybody run The homecoming queen's got a gun Everybody run The homecoming queen has got a gun (Debbie's really having a blast) (She's wasting half of the class) The cops fired a warning shot that blew her off the float I tried to scream "duck" but it stuck in my throat She hit the ground and did a flip, it was real acrobatic But I was crying so hard, I couldn't work my Instamatic I ran down to Debbie, I had to find out What made her do it? Why'd she freak out? I saw the bullet had got her right in the ear I knew then the end was near So I ran down and I said, in her good ear "Debbie, why did you do it?" She raised her head, smiled and said, "I did it for Johnny" Johnny? Well, like, who's Johnny? Answer me, Debbie, who's Johnny? Does anybody here know Johnny? Are you Johnny? There was one guy named Johnny, but he was a total geek, he always had food in his braces Answer me, Debbie, who's Johnny? Oh god, this is like that movie Citizen Kane You know, where you later find out Rosebud was a sled? But we'll never know who Johnny was 'cause, like, she's dead Everybody run The homecoming queen's got a gun Everybody run The homecoming queen has got a Everybody run Everybody run The homecoming queen has got a