Thanks a Lot, But No Thanks

I'm watching and waiting Hello, Sam! Hello, Joe! I'm waiting and watching Hello, Max! Hello, Bob! Hello, Jasper! I hope and I yearn Hello, Bill! Hello, Phil! Just for his return Hello, fellas! Thanks for the present of the silver blue mink Thanks for the plane and for the ice-skating rink Thanks for the yacht and for the solid-gold sink Thanks a lot, but no thanks Thanks for the Scrabble set with platinum board Thanks for the factory once known as Ford Thank you for finding me the famous Lost Chord Thanks a lot, but no thanks For I am just a faithful lassie Waitin' for a faithful lad And there's no gift, however classy By which this lassie can be had Thanks for the banks and for the Santa Fe Line Thanks for the darling uranium mine But I'm a gal with only one valentine Thanks a lot, but no thanks Thanks for the champagne And thanks for the state of Maine And thanks for the autograph of John Wayne Thanks a lot, but no thanks Thanks for the cruise And thanks for the oil wells that ooze And thanks for that pair of Fred Astaire's shoes Thanks a lot, but no thanks For I am just a faithful lassie Waitin' for a faithful lad And there's no gift, however classy By which this lassie can be had Thanks for losin' your mind And thanks for Fort Knox, sealed and signed But I've got a guy who's Clifton Webb and Marlon Brando combined Thanks a lot, but no, no thanks