Suppression Out of Season

I remember that time hiding in the bathroom with the door locked No gun cocked but words like shots fired, emotions and heart stopped My mom trying to protect me but I could still hear the screaming My dad stayed around but trust issues after it kept repeating Honest with myself now in effort to not mimic it Hurt people hurt people is what statistics insist I fit in with But I look at my son and want to bottle his innocence Keep it tangible, manageable, able to engage the present tense How can I be a reflection of only good things from my dad Lifting the head of my child, like a sifter, gifting good not the bad Repressed emotions can be volcanic with their eruption Spewing hurts, burning from memories suppressed from interruption But trigger the iceburg's hidden foundation and bigger problems Along came a spider hidden in skeletons in the closet Far be it from me not to believe My King is able to show me fatherhood, a legacy for me to leave My hands are not my own, I have given them away My eyes are not my own, I don't see things the same I've chosen to change and won't pass on my heritage Some traditions can be changed, redeeming my inheritance Still I reminisce on times past as though I can see them In my mind's eye I blink and gone are the opportunities to seize them Carpe diem is for today not past memories still bleeding So I look to Jesus to keep me free from repeating evil seasons I believe in the Son, the King of all the universe rotating Elevating Him in speech, Lord teach me to replace this complacent See that's He's perfect but I drop the ball like a rookie on his first day and Can't connect my thoughts to actions like my feet are stuck to pavement But God still saved me and He continues to show His grace Discovering new heights and purpose as I climb this rock face Patience in His plan allowing God to show direction Moved nine hundred miles and I listen hard for inflections I'm impatient and waiting but love like clanging cymbals I want my heart to show true love not fake emoji symbols I want to spend my life but hard to see my value for currency Hurry Lord with peace restored so I can focus on currently