Patience is a Virtue (That I've Never Had)

Of all the seven virutes, I feel I've got good clarity

I have kindness, temperance, chastity

Definitely humility, diligence and charity

But one of those pesky virtues

Gets in the skin behind my ears

It's patience. It's a virtue

That I haven't had for years

Queuing at Disneyland, I'll push kids out the way

Because, you understand, I really haven't got all day

A waiting room is just so quiet. I've got things to do! I'll riot!

Sitting in a chair, it's just not fair, and they don't care

Because they're bureaucrats

And they don't give a rat's

I really don't care how, but you've got to serve me now

If I send a text, I'll be perplexed if you delay six hours or more

And a familiar face will take its place at midnight at your door

No escaping up or downstairs to your hidden basements

I'll find you quick, that's the trick when like me you've got no patience

Waiting is a luxury that I can't seem to catch

Patience is a crutch to me on which I cannot latch

The angel and the devil on my shoulders start to bicker

While I, let me level with you, yell to be served quicker

I cannot hear the good advice. It's drowned out by the bad

I cannot seem to be so nice as to hold on just a tad

You can ask my neighbour Gertrude or my second cousin Chad

They'll tell you patience is a virtue

That I've never had!

When it comes to money, I'll tell you something funny

If people pay their debts on time, I have no problems, frets or whines

I've waited years and years, it's fine, but now I want what should be mine!

And waiting all your life when Mum's all rife with gold and fife

Is just impractical

Mum and Dad are stacked, is all

I know I'll hear a grown if I ask either for a loan

So what to do? I've thought it through. Behind both I'll carefully tread

And with a bat I sneak attacked and whacked them in the head

Judge found me so guilty that in jail I found I found emplacements

My cellmates ask what got me here. I say, "I've got no patience!"

Waiting is a luxury that I can't seem to catch

Patience is a crutch to me on which I cannot latch

The angel and the devil on my shoulders start to bicker

While I, let me level with you, yell to be served quicker

I cannot hear the good advice. It's drowned out by the bad

I cannot seem to be so nice as to hold on just a tad

You can ask my neighbour Gertrude or my second cousin Chad

They'll tell you patience is a virtue

That I've never had!

Of all the seven virtues, I feel I've got good clarity

But impatience got me in prison, and now I'm stuck eating mush that's carroty

Life spent in jail is wasted, but the damage has been dealt

Maybe I can escape this life

For they forgot to take away my belt

Loop it round, don't be found, make no sound, cut flow to airway

See the glow, don't go slow, make a go for the gold stairway

Take a run, get it done, shameful son killed Dad and Mother

Start to fall, godly law sees appalling sins and yabba-da-da

Yabba-da-da, yabba-da-da-da

Now I am a rich man,

but it doesn't matter 'cause I've spattered, spluttered out a bloody chunk

In other words

I'm dead

Waiting is a luxury that I can't seem to catch

Patience is a crutch to me on which I cannot latch

The angel and the devil on my shoulders start to bicker

While I, let me level with you, yell to be served quicker

I cannot hear the good advice. It's drowned out by the bad

I cannot seem to be so nice as to hold on just a tad

You can ask my neighbour Gertrude or my second cousin Chad

They'll tell you patience is a virtue

That I've never had!

I don't want to alert you

I never meant to hurt you

Or run around and desert you

But patience is a virtue

That I've never had!