"Dear Walter…"

When everybody was coming in tonight

They were given an opportunity to ask you a question

Yeah, so before the show started, I grabbed a small handful

Yeah, I think you should answer them

Here in the blue shirt in the front row, did you fill one out?

Hello!, did you fill one small tip?

Where are you going? Sit the hell down

This is TV! What the hell?

Think he's going to take a whiz?

These are extensive tickets, yeah

Extensive setup, a lot of production, yeah

Divide it all up, if he's gone for three minutes

He is taking a $600 wee, dumbass

Is he coming back?

Okay. We'll wait, right

What's that guy's first name?

(Mike!) Dumbass

Are the speakers set up in the bathroom?

(Yes, they are)

Oh, Mike! We're waiting for you, Mike!

Kind of tough to go with all this pressure, isn't it, Mike?

Mike! Get out!

Mike's taking a long time

Could be having trouble

What does Mike do for a living?

(Transportation)

He does transportation?

What the hell does that mean?

Medical transportation

(Medical transportation?)

Welcome back, dumbass

Mike, could you hear us in there?, Mike

(Somebody pull his string)

He's not talking

Mike, could you hear us in there?

I can hear you

Oh, you could, well, we could hear you

You didn't wash your hands

I'm sorry, I'm just kidding around

What was your first name here in the blue shirt?

(Oh, Nick)

Oh, Nick. Good to see you, Nick

Now, Nick, what do you do for a living?

(I work in construction)

Oh, construction. What kind of construction?

What do you do?

(I work with a general contractor)

You work with a general

You're not the general contractor

(Hold on, I will be)

What's your title, Nick?

(I guess you could consider it framing and drywalling)

Framing and drywalling?

Ah, got anything for that?

Dumbass

You know, Nick, we've got jokes for doctors, lawyers, even trash collectors

But the framing and drywalling guy? Not in our arsenal of snappy comebacks

Now, we're not going to bother going home and writing any

Because, hey, what are the freaking odds now?

I'm sorry

It was Nick, right? Was it Nick or Nick? Yeah, Nick. Nick and Mike. Mike and Nick

Dumbasses

All right, now some of the folks signed these and some of them didn't

I don't give a damn

Alright, where is ahem, Valerie?

What is that? I don't know, Renu? Renee? Renny? Renzi?

Valerie, where are you?

I hear about it right there

She says

Dear Walter, how do you take off 10 years to look younger?

Oh, me?

Oh, that would be Thompson's water seal

This is from Milton

Dear Walter, my wife sits at home all day and won't work

How can I get her to get a job?

Well, Milton, you're gonna have to die (wow!)

Where is Nick Manos?

(Right here!) Oh, Nick, oh I recognize him, that's our gay stalker

I need medical transportation

Dear Walter, time and time again, I have filled up the sheet six times

You never answer my question, "What gives?"

Let's get that one (woo!, Wow!)

This is from Chris, it's Chris ahem, it's a girl, Chris

Dear Walter, you read this, ahem, "Dear Walter, after nine and a half years"

My boyfriend still hasn't popped the question

Let's just poop the question?

Chris, you need to learn to spell, I think

How the hell do you poop the question?

I guess you should listen from the other end

Dear Walter, why don't chicken breasts have nipples? What?

I guessed they got too cold

They'd poke a hole in the package

And that's Walter! There we go, alright!

Thank you, thank you, so much