Vapin' In Vegas

It's a Sunday on the strip

My divorced ass moved to Vegas

My wife left and took the kids

And it's a good thing that she did

'Cuz they were annoying as shit

I'm 68 years young

Let my hair down, have some fun

Stare at the Bellagio Fountain

A skateboarder gave me a vape

And it was great

Now I'm vapin' in Vegas

Vapin' in vegas

I'll go to a strip club, get a boner with a bunch of other guys

This is the greatest

Vapin' in Vegas

I wish my wife would call me back

I wish my kids would answer texts

Wish I could hold my goddamn dog and smell his stanky, stanky breath

But I can't do that

Because of the lawsuit

Oh, the lawsuit

Fuckin' lawsuit

Margaritaville

Toby Keith's I Love This Bar & Grill

Circus de Solei

I shit myself at the Mandalay Bay

I do what I want, smoke a cigar (C'mon!)

Test drive a fancy car and say

"I'll think about it"

There's so much history in Vegas

So much magic you can taste it

I heard a busboy spilled a Sprite on Frank Si-natra

So Frank Si-natra got his gun out and shot that busboy in the street

Vapin' in Vegas

Vapin' in Vegas

See the Blue Man Group with a prostitute, take a picture with a snake

This is the greatest

Vapin' in Vegas

I wish the jury took my side back when I was 65

When I killed that guy for walking on my plants

And then I hacked him into pieces

And I ate his toes like Reese's

Is it Reesie's or is it Reese's?

Either way I ate a man

I only served two years

Because I escaped

Woo! I escaped from jail

I escaped

C'mon! Hit it!

Check this shit out!

Watch this

What!?

Hit em!

Skibiddity-beep-baip-beep-biddy-bope-baip-chip-daip-bope!

That was sick

Thank you!

You sounded awesome doing that

I appreciate that, man, thanks

You're welcome

Vapin in Vegas

Makin' human bacon in Vegas

When they catch me, I'mma be so famous

Until then, I'll be vapin' in Vegas