Loretta's Soaperetta

Hans, the new instant liquid for dishes

Brings you "Loretta's Soberetta"

And now, here's Loretta

Oh, take it John!

See how graceful Loretta moves in her new Playtex?

She'll be right back, but first a word

About the new mild detergent, Hans

From the land of dirty water

Comes the new detergent

Hans the mild detergent

Hans the wild detergent

Ladies, do your fingernails drop off

From using the ordinary detergent?

They do? Good!

Then listen to what this average housewife has to say about Hans

The new miracle dish-washing liquid

I love it. I use Hans on all my dishes

It makes dish-washing a pleasure, actually fun

And not only that, Hans is the only

Detergent that doesn't hurt your clothes

It just burns tiny holes in your skin

What a wonderful way to get rid of warts!

Thank you, and now here's Loretta in tonight's dramatic love story

"Lady Chatterly's Liver"

No, Stanley, it's best that we part

You have another wife

And I have another husband

And he has another wife

And she has another husband

It isn't the simplest sort of arrangement, is it?

No, after all our years of wedded bliss, it's auf wiedersehen, Stanley

We must think of the child

After all we do have a child

And he has a child

And the child has another wife

And she has another husband

And he has a child

And that child, Stanley, is our child

I must go away somewhere and figure this out

Auf wiedersehen, Stanley, auf wiedersehen

But Stella, I know you have another husband, you know

And that he has another wife

And that she has another husband

And that he has another wife

And that our own child through marriage is now my uncle

Know what I mean?

And your sister's father on your grandmother's side

But, I mean, can't we talk this over?

Gee whiz, gosh, I mean, you know, like there's still time

Our divorce doesn't become final for another five minutes

We'll talk it over some other day, Stanley, but not today

Why not, Stella?

Because today I am to be married

Sayonara

Bonsoir

Prosit

Auf wiedersehen

Au revoir

Adios

Arrivederci

Aloha

How do you like that?

She didn't even say goodbye