There once was an empire chase
Known as the great, great game
And one of its rooks came from Stoke-on-Trent
And Mortimer was his name
An impotent teabag spazz
Pride of the vicar caste
Sent off to Asia, expansion land
Determined to be a man
Determined to be a man
Determined to be a man
Determined to be a man
Determined to be a man
He loved a nice saag aloo
The long, lazy afternoons
But soon, he was singing a different tune
It went something just like this
A billion flies on a horse's tail
The spirit of a late, lame Raj
Punjabi's finest, bring me your wine list
As the news comes across the air today
"The tension grows in Afghanistan
Carbine bullets could settle the score"
I had a crap gin tonic, it wounded me
Sent me way off on one
Sent me way off on one
Sent me way off on one
Sent me way off on one
Sent me way off on one, oh yeah
You know it sent me way off on one, oh yeah
You know it sent me way off on one, oh yeah
You know it sent me way off on one, oh yeah
You know it sent me way off on one, oh yeah
You know it sent me way off on one, oh yeah
You know it sent me way off on one, oh yeah
You know it sent me way off on one, two, three, four
