Jerking Off

Roll out of bed, jerking off

Feed the dog, still jerking off

Make some eggs, flip them wrong

Burned my hand while jerking off

Oh, I'm still jerking every day

Can't slow down no damn way

If I ain't tugging, something's wrong

Been pulling on it all day long

Mow the grass, jerking off

Fix my truck, jerking off

Got pulled over, played it cool

Cop said son what's wrong with you

Oh, I'm still jerking every day

Can't slow down no damn way

If I ain't tugging, something's wrong

Been pulling on it all day long

Doctor says, you gotta quit

I said, doc, I'm built for this

Told my mama, made her sigh

She said, Lord, just let him die

Oh, I'm still jerking every day

Can't slow down no damn way

If I ain't tugging, something's wrong

Been pulling on it all day long

At the fair, jerking off

On the Ferris wheel, jerking off

Dropped my phone, still held strong

Carney said, boy, what's going on

Oh, I'm still jerking every day

Can't slow down no damn way

If I ain't tugging, something's wrong

Been pulling on it all day long

If I die, don't shed a tear

Just know I went out fisting here

Carve my tombstone nice and soft

Here lies a man who jerked it off