Everyday Normal Guy

I'm just a regular everyday normal guy

Nothin special 'bout me, motherfucker!

I'm just a regular everyday normal guy

When I go to the clubs I wait in line, motherfucker!

I'm just a regular everyday normal guy

I got six hundred dollars in the bank, motherfucker!

I'm just a regular everyday normal guy

And my sexual performances are average

I work at customer service for a phone company

I make twelve bucks an hour, but that's all I need

I live in a small apartment on a quiet street

I don't go out too much, I like to watch TV

I can't afford a car, I use public transportation

I don't mind, I read till I reach my destination

Sometimes a newspaper, sometimes a book

The amount of money I save, this shit is off the hook

And I'm not very good with the women

I'm a pretty shy person and I'm average lookin'

Last time I had sex was in 2003

And I am ashamed to admit, but it wasn't free

I'm just a regular everyday normal guy

I get nervous in social situations, motherfucker!

I'm just a regular everyday normal guy

I get constipated once a month, motherfucker!

I'm just a regular everyday normal guy

And I make pretty good spaghetti sauce, motherfucker!

I'm just a regular everyday normal guy

And I get scared when I go see the dentist

I'm the Pauly Shore of everyday life

Easily forgettable and I'm not very liked

I have an "According to Jim" personality

I'm as entertaining as a fuckin' STD

If you wanna mess with me, I think you probably can

Because I'm not confident and I'm weak for a man

I'll just roll up in a ball while you kick me in the back

Yeah, honestly, I probably won't fight back

And I don't have many friends that would back me up

My friend Steve would, but he doesn't look very tough

You want some of this, bitch?

If you rarely get laid, put your hands up

If you're not well paid, put your hands up

If you got a pet cat, put your hands up

And if you got a bad back, put your hands up

Hurt my back a couple summers ago moving a fridge

And ever since then, it's just not the same

It, it g-, it gets pretty sore

I'm just a regular everyday normal guy

My parents are really nice people, motherfucker!

I'm just a regular everyday normal guy

I'm somewhat afraid of heights, motherfucker!

I'm just a regular everyday normal guy

I like the show "Grey's Anatomy", motherfucker!

I'm just a regular everyday normal guy

And I'm pretty good at makin' paper planes