Grandma's Killer Fruitcake

The holidays were upon us, And things were going fine Til the day I heard the doorbell And a chill ran up my spine I grabbed the wife and children As the postman wheeled it in A yearly Christmas nightmare, Has just come back again It was harder than the head of Uncle Bucky, Heavy as a sermon of Preacher Lucky, One's enough to get the whole state of Kentucky a great big belly ache It was denser than a trove of barnyard turkeys, Tougher than a truckload of all beef jerky, Drier than a drought in Albuquerque, Grandma's killer fruitcake Now, I had to swallow some marginal fare At our famiy feast I even downed Aunt Possum Pie Just to keep the family peace I winced at Wilma's Gizzard Mousse But said it tasted fine But, that lethal weapon Grandma baked Is where I drawn the line It was harder than the head of Uncle Bucky, Heavy as a sermon of Preacher Lucky, One's enough to get the whole state of Kentucky a great big belly ache It was denser than a trove of barnyard turkeys, Tougher than a truckload of all beef jerky, Drier than a drought in Albuquerque, Grandma's killer fruitcake