The Wrong Bus

I jumped on a London Omnibus

To take me into work

I hopped up to the top deck for a smoke

I looked around and noticed

We were going the wrong way

Is this driver drunk or playing on us a joke?

Now I'm the sort of fella

Who enjoys a friendly joke

But I wasn't in the mood for such malarkey

When I looked around to see

If anyone else had noticed too

I saw all the passengers were dressed in khaki

I'm on the wrong bus, the wrong bus

Fate has played a cruel jest on me

I'm on the wrong bus, the wrong bus

I wanted Piccadilly, now I'm off to Picardy

I'm on the wrong bus, the wrong bus

Oh when will this conductor's bell go jingle?

I wish I had the money for to buy a day return

But the ticket in me hand is just a single

I tried to get to sleep last night

As I lay in the mud

In a crater somewhere deep in no-man's land

When suddenly a German soldier

Fell into me hole

With a grimace and a rifle in his hand

He shrugged his muddy shoulders

And he sat down by me side

With a friendly smile that banished fright and fear

I offered him some bully beef

He offered me a smoke

I said "Cor blimey Fritzie, what are you doing here?"

He said "I took the wrong bus, the wrong bus"

He told me such a familiar tale

"I took the wrong bus, the wrong bus

I wanted Paschenhausen, now I'm here in Passchendaele

I took the wrong bus, the wrong bus

And why we're here at all I'm none the wiser

I'm up the Swanee, and he's up the Rhine

And we both want to stick it up the Kaiser

I'm up the Swanee, and he's up the Rhine

And we both want to stick it up the Kaiser"