Sick Joke

(Write it in gold It could be retold But the ending gets old They say you learn to know When it's time to go Like a sick joke) These days I'm talking to myself again Reenacting conversations that never happened I know what to say now when you ask me If everything I feel is temporary I'm learning more about myself And it's scary Won't you let me live right here in the memory Love me plenty, Take this gently Leave me empty, Leave me whole Call it what it is It's a sick, sick joke But nobody's laughing now Wanna learn to love you I just don't know how Swear I'm really trying but I'm all worn out And all that happened hurt me more than I care to talk about Nobody's laughing now Nothing ever changes and I'm sick of this town Will I find it in me to find a way out? I think I might feel better once I let you down Restless, overanalyzing everything You reached across these sheets for me And though we never touched in that midnight glow Every part of me you begged to know I look into your eyes and I see my own Almost like you always knew me What a horrifying feeling (You were horrifying) I only miss it a little And I don't wish you very well You only loved me in riddles But you still loved me, I could tell Now you call it a fever dream Only kidding yourself But nobody's laughing now Wanna learn to trust you I just don't know how Swear I'm really trying but I'm all worn out And all that happened hurt me more than I care to talk about And I'm still checking my phone But you're no longer a contact I'm good on my own And you already know that You swore to be true And you failed in the moment They say it takes two but I blame you Nobody's laughing now Nothing ever changes and I'm sick of this town Will I find it in me to find a way out? I think I might feel better once I let you down I don't know what it means Someday I'll find the meaning The wound still stings But I kinda like the bleeding Where'd you go? I don't know But you oughta stay there Had to block you on the internet Cause I still care It keeps me up at night like a bad, bad dream What if I never find someone who's just like me? Our stars never aligned and we did a bad thing I hold onto these grudges like i wish you held me Reluctantly surrender my incessant need For love so all consuming that it ruins me You promised it was real, well I guess you misspoke So call it what it is (It's a sick, sick joke) And nobody's laughing now I wanna merciful, I don't know how Swear I'm really trying but you wore me out All that happened hurt me more than I care to talk about And it goes against my nature to believe you're bad But why'd you have to lie to me like that? There always comes a point when you have to have your own back Nows a good a time as ever to learn that Thankful that I never gave you all of me Now I get to walk away with everything If I linger in your memory, eradicate me! I never saw you coming but I felt you leave Nobody's laughing now Gave myself the closure cause I did my best Hope you never find the guts to make amends Crying to my friends Plotting my revenge When all I really wanna know is Why would you pretend?