My main purpose painfully nervous now I am scared

People playing with my nerves its hurts as I began to wear

I'm always trinna internalize, maybe that's why my insides divide

I only mess it up when I try my best

Why am I the one who messed up your life?

Old emotions old notions old thoughts

Cold and frozen were all the talks

Sitting at the table wasn't stable

Hands were shaking wasn't able

To defend something that I never claim

I always wondered what you were trinna gain?

I think about the future me

I think about if he's proud of me

Or proud the way I been acting maybe he looks down at me

I admit I'm cowardly I'm only brave when I begin to write

What will I say when I fail my wife

God I pray you hold me tonight

I scared I'm the only one is going up against my own life

I'm scared I'll turn away from God and be dependent on my sight

But God I know you are God

God I know that I am yours

I pray tonight that I never stop

Until I die and you bring me home

Throat starts to squeeze

As I call on my savior

Will I call on fear again

For another favor

Will I stand in front of the master

Is just another traitor

So many things to factor

Before I go to meet my maker

I cannot begin to fathom

What awaits on the other side

Maybe because a part of fear

Is still inside my mind

Has the battle just begun

How long until the day I find

Out the this wars been won

I feel like fear is still inside!

I know this life is hard

And having fear is understandable

But I have to put my trust

in God and understand that he'll

Bring me through this life

Even though this life is not easy

I cannot rob God of his glory

And use it to please me

What happened to the joy and laughter

Why do I destroy what matters

Why is it that pain always has to be more of a factor

I am a rapper

Trying to factor

The before and the after

The first and the latter

I am a product of my own disaster

Will I ever move on from this chapter?

Hold up hold up wait a minute - slow it down

I need take a breath take a sec to calm it down

Is this hurt or is it passion?

Honesty probably both

I have passion to get past this because I know wanna grow

Well never win tomorrow unless we remember the loss of yesterday

The cost of it is sorrow but God I know your next to me

I was told that you thought i used you

I promise it's not true

I promise I thought you

Were okay I guess I just thought you

And I were in sync but I guess my assumptions brought you

To a place that was not intended so I'm sorry that it cost you

Fear is now in my mind

I feel like I am now fighting blind

Why am I always the guy

Who triples his problems and cripples his eyes

I apologize to those I have hurt

My problem lies within my words

Sin I will fight until die and my casket closes into buried dirt

I pray my life honored Christ and I learn how not to carry hurt

I just pray my life honored Christ and I learn how not to carry hurt

God please take the fear away

Or please take my life today

God please I know I'm in pain

I pray you see beyond my mistake

I know I am the least of these

Please cleanse me from my misdeeds

I know You know all of my needs

Because you are the king kings

I cannot begin to fathom

What awaits on the other side

Maybe because apart of fear

Is still inside my mind

Has the battle just begun

How long until the day I find

Out the this wars been won

I feel like fear is still inside!

I know this life is hard

And having fear is understandable

But I have to put my trust

In God and understand that he'll

Bring me through this life

Even though this life is not easy

I cannot rob God of his glory

And use it to please me

What happened to the joy and laughter

Why do I destroy what matters

Why is it that pain always has to be more of a factor

I am a rapper

Trying to factor

The before and the after

The first and the latter

Am I a product of my own disaster

Will ever move on from this chapter?

You cannot put a price on someone's innocence

Torment can be powerful I mean for instance

I have alotta fears - I really fear loneliness

Last year I was probably as lonely as lonely gets

I'm scared that one day I'll wake up without a life

And consequences will finally come back to bite

The fact is I am trying to learn to get past this I

Wanna settle down, marry, and live a happy life

Success is not final and fear is not fatality

the courage to continue is what counts in this reality

But I know fear is nothing more than state of mind

Will I conquer or be conquered I really hate that I

Might go in between the two until the day I die

But please lemme say that I just wanna do my part

I cant wait to get a wife cause I know from the start

If life is a deck of cards she will be queen of hearts