Final Grrrl

Thought it'd be nice

To spend the night

Out with my friends on Halloween

Free and unharmed

And all unarmed

As we go out to trick or treat

Who knew there'd be a psycho monster

Back to avenge his murdered mother

And, well, you know the rest

Now I'm the only who made it out

Without becoming sauerkraut

Yes, I'm a lucky gal I will admit

They tell you be glad you're alive

But not that after you survive

The life you're living after it

Might also be shit

'Cause now I'm going back to high school

Straight out the hospital bed

How am I supposed to lead the cheer team

With all these bolts in my head?

It's got me dreaming of those days of bliss

When I could babysit

Without a care in the world

I didn't ask to be your

Final girl

I didn't wanna be your final girl!

I didn't wanna be your final girl!

I didn't wanna be your final girl!

And now I'm pissed off!

In bio class, they give us frogs

And tell us it's dissection day

I say "this looks like what he did

To Johnny with that garden stake"

And no one on the prom committee

Wants to hear the nitty gritty

Of how Beth lost her tongue

One cut, and it was clean off!

Now all my friends are scared of me

And health class leads to therapy

'Cause the Red Cross dummies

Look like my friends dying

The only place I'm doing well

Is theater where my teacher tells me

I'm the lead, 'cause I'm already crying

And now I'm heading off to Prom Night

But with a full can of mace

I know my date is just a freshman

But you just can't be too safe

Wearing a hat to be discreet about

The fact that he tore out

The hair I wanted to curl

It fucking sucks to be your

Final girl

Is there any consolation

For all of the mutilation?

How's a final girl to find a second chapter?

All the rest they monetized it

Got Blumhouse to dramatize it

'Cause if I got flayed, then why not get paid

Tell Gale Weathers that I'm on my way

He hunted me 'cause I'm a blonde girl

Now I'm the face of Pantene

What's that? You wanna take a picture?

Well, they'll be ten bucks a piece

If being just another novelty

Is what you want from me

Then I can give it a whirl

Buy my new memoir as your

Final girl

I didn't wanna be you final girl!

But If I gotta be your final girl!

I guess I gotta be your final girl!

To be alive is hell!

I didn't wanna be you final girl!

But If I gotta be your final girl!

I guess I gotta be your final girl!

Your final girl