I Write the Songs

Wrote this song just now while I was playing that last one

You wanna make it in this business you gotta be fast, son

I can write five songs while just takin' a shit

And three of them are good – hell, one'll be a hit

Learn from a professional and pay me to teach you

How to churn out pure gold the way artists like me do

'Til then kindly step the fuck back

Well, here's one lesson free: be less of a hack

This truly is best job you can get

Can you tell I don't see you as a threat?

'Cause long before you even existed

I was topping every best songwriter list, kid

The singer-songwriter game ain't what it used to be

There's no competition 'cause everyone's scared to lose to me

Don't get me wrong, I prefer it like this

But every now and then it feels good to reminisce

Climbin' the charts was like climbin' a mountain

And if you're want exact figures, my accountant was countin'

But every number one felt like a real feat

Back when there was genuine talent to beat

And even if you're actually skilled

You'd best sit down before you get yourself killed

I was doing this shit before you were a zygote

You were probably conceived to a song that I wrote

And I'm as hot now as I've ever been

From Baltimore to Bangalore to Berlin

Every night I perform before worshipful throngs

I'm Barry Manilow and I alone write the songs