Hands up if life is getting stressful

And shout if you are saddened by the news

I need some tips to cope, some data or some anecdotes

'Cause right now nothing's workin' for my blues

Sometimes I deal by playing music

And sometimes I relax by reading books

Sometimes I go downtown, climb a tree, and don't come down

And throw a bunch of pinecones at people

A crowd has formed around my tree

Just out of reach, and the police have

Blocked the street on every side

But no one can climb it and

I think its 'cause they know I have

A pinecone here for everyone who tries

I yell: I'm gonna live to be a hundred

I'm gonna see them cure disease

Then I'm gonna watch them

Go to war over the royalties so

If you need me, I'll be in the tree

If you need me, I'll be in the tree

There's several cameras pointed up into my tree

It seems the world's concerned with what I might do next…

Throwing pinecones at photographers

From up here in this conifer

Like Tarzan getting scouted by the Mets

Yeah, I'm gonna live to be a thousand

Got robot arms and run on robot feet

Got robot legs and robot head

And my robot ass don't know it yet but

I'd be better off back in the tree

So if you need me, I'll be in the tree…

'Cause no one's asking what would drive me up this pine

Is it protest? Am I being paid to preach or advertise?

No, this non-deciduous decision was all mine

You can show a horse the ropes but no, you cannot make him climb

And this tree's a makeshift metaphor and I prefer to think

I'm just a stressed-out Christmas ornament who needs some space to breathe

And if the camera crews and crowded streets and dozens of police

Are my endless pressures manifested down below my tree

Then this giant stack of pinecones…

They are the lame and immature ways I deal with them

But also how satisfying it is to do so...

To dome one... when they're not looking... yeah

I'm gonna live to be a million

Longer than the flowers, birds, and bees

But if I start to come undone,

Make like a tree and hug someone

Everybody needs a place to breathe

Just recognize when it is time to leave

I'm probably gonna live forever

But should I die (and that may be preferred)

Take me out and bury me

And plant a tree right over me

So I may help someone escape the world

Yeah, I may help someone escape the world