First Thing on My Mind

The first thing on my mind is my mom Anytime I'm praised on the job I've been doing since you moved to the stars I mean I knew that life could be hard But I persevered traveled the ocean of trauma I'm a viking with scars And it's more than saying your name Just the other day my son and I were on the couch And we were playing your game When thoughts of you bombarded my brain I remember playing Pac Man with the misses in front I miss you so much You know what? I don't talk about my sister enough I saw her for the first time in 6 years the other month It felt good catching up as we twisted one up And talked about our wild life The world is a jungle, streets filled with wild life Tigers and bears I prayed for Christ help then eventually silenced my prayers It's survival of the fittest I haven't held a Bible or even attended a church revival in a minute But I did visit with my sister when she came through It was cool, but right now I just have different views Anything against my common sense I can't listen to Hocus pocus, abracadabra, mixed with a witches brew My mind was shackled so I had get my sentence through Some people thought that I wouldn't make it I'm not gon' mention who Though I really wouldn't feel bad I just don't wanna present myself as if I'm still mad Cuz I'm far from it these days I came a long way from having roaches in the PJ's In the apartments that we stayed in here in VA I'm talking early 90's; that life is now behind me And I have so much in front of me In a constant battle with who I am and who I wanna be It's abundantly clear, when I look in the mirror The person that I wanna be I haven't yet begun to see I never wanted sympathy Sometimes I sit and think about my lack of empathy Like is meant for me to be this cold I wasn't this way from the start You died and took with you a piece of my heart Forever yours I lost my religion when you passed But I know you're with dad in heavens doors I know your God'll keep your soul And at least I know Instead of suffering you're up there dancing in the streets of gold Angelic wings and more than decent robe Visions of heaven from what the preacher told Two steppin' in the name of freedom And if you're right about God I'm too afraid to meet him