Pirelli's Miracle Elixir

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, puh-lease? Do you wake every morning in shame and despair To discover your pillow was covered with hair What ought not to be there? Well, ladies and gentlemen! From now on you can waken at ease You need never again have a worry or care I will show you a miracle marvelous rare Gentlemen, you are about to see something what rose from the dead On the top of my head! T'was Pirelli's Miracle Elixir That's what did the trick, sir True, sir, true Was it quick, sir? Did it in a tick, sir Just like an elixir ought to do! 'Ow about a bottle, mister? Only costs a penny, guaranteed Does Pirelli's stimulate the growth, sir? You can have my oath, sir 'Tis unique Rub a minute Stimulatin' innit? Soon you'll have to thin it once a week! Pardon me, ma'am, what's that awful stench? (Are we standing near an open trench?) Must be standing near an open trench! (Pardon me, sir, what's that awful stench?) Buy Pirelli's Miracle Elixir Anything what's slick, sir Soon sprouts curls Try Pirelli's! When they see how thick, sir You can have your pick, sir, of the girls! Wanna buy a bottle, missus? What is this? (What is this?) Smells like piss (smells like, eww) Looks like piss (wouldn't touch it if I was you, dear) This is piss, piss with ink Let Pirelli's activate your roots, sir Keep it off your boots, sir Eats right through Yes, get Pirelli's, use a bottle of it! Ladies seem to love it Flies do, too!