Touch-Tone Telephone

I think it's time for you to know the awful truth Mm, the truth about me, and the truth about you 'Cause you're a brand-new species Big cat (oh-oh), space Nazis, Robert Stack (oh, oh) God-damn it, gonna snap, Leonard Nimoy (oh, oh-oh-oh-oh) Call me back (call me back) I try to call you every day I'm rehearsing what to say when the truth comes out (of my very own mouth) I've been working on a unified theory If I make it through tonight, everybody's gonna hear me out 'Cause I'm the right one On my touch-tone, touch-tone telephone I'm the only one On your AM, AM radio Oh, I'm crying now, authentic tears They flow out of me when I think about you 'Cause you're the only person in the world who'd understand 'Cause you're the only person in the world who'd understand the meaning of this Oh my god I try, and I try, and I try to make you listen to me I try to call you every day I'm rehearsing what to say when the truth comes out (of my very own mouth) I've been working on a unified theory If I make it through tonight, everybody's gonna hear me out 'Cause I'm the right one On my touch-tone, touch-tone telephone I'm the only one (hey) On your AM, AM radio Don't hang up yet, I'm not done I'm an expert, I'm the one The one who was right all along Better to be laughed at than wrong I'm an expert in my field UFOlogy, yes, it's all real Ancient aliens, it's all true I'm an expert just like you And like you, I'm a genius before my time Disbelieving, that's the real crime Pretty soon, they'll discover me In the Super-Sargasso Sea I try to call you every day What can I say when the truth comes out? (Of my very own mouth) I've been working on a unified theory If I make it through tonight, everybody's gonna hear me out (now) 'Cause I'm the right one (now) on my touch-tone telephone (now) On my touch-tone, touch-tone telephone I'm the only one on your AM radio (On your AM, AM radio)