Mattering

I'm living in the uncertainty Of fairweather memories Constantly asking if I really remember Or if it's just from home movies I'm absent minded, present but lifeless And when I speak, it's nothing of substance So I started drinking because I thought I had something to say It just made me drunk and want to throw up And I'm still awkward and I don't think that will change I'm stuck in my ways, but that's okay It's not that bad, I'm just sick of feeling like I'm never in a solid state of mattering You see right through me You see right through me I don't want to live in fairweather memories I want to know it's more than home movies And it fucking scares me It fucking scares me That I'm never in a solid state of mattering.