Humours of Whiskey

Let your quacks and newspapers be cutting their capers And curing the vapors the scratch and the gout With their medical potions, their pills and their lotions Upholding their notions, they're mighty put out. Who can tell the true physic on all things pathetic And pitch to the divil, cramp, colic and spleen You'll find that I think if you take a big drink With your mouth to the brink of a jug of poteen Then stick to the cratur' the best thing in nature For sinking your sorrows and raising your joys Oh what botheration, no dose in the nation Can bring consolation like poteen me boys. No liquid cosmetic to lovers athletic Or ladies pathetic can bring such a bloom As the sweet by the powers in the garden of flowers Ever gave their own bowers such a darling perfume And this liquid so rare if you are willingly share To be taking your hair when it's frizzled and dead Oh the sod has the merit to yield the true spirit So strong it will shake all the hairs from your head Then stick to the cratur' the best thing in nature For sinking your sorrows and raising your joys Oh since its perfection, no doctor's direction Can cleanse the complexion like poteen me boys As a child in me cradle, me nurse with her ladle Was filling my mouth with a notion of pap When a drop from her bottle fell into me throttle I capered and scrambled right out of her lap On the floor I lay crawlin' and screaming and bawling 'Til father and mother soon came to the fore All sobbing and sighing they feared I was dying They found I was only crying for more. Then stick to the cratur' the best thing in nature For sinking your sorrows and raising your joys Oh lord how they'd chuckle if babes in their truckle Could only be suckle on poteen me boys Through youthful aggression, and times of depression My childhood's impression still clung to me mind And at school and in college the basis of knowledge I never could gulp 'til with whiskey combined And as older I'm growing times ever bestowin' On Erin's potation, a flavor so fine And how ere they may lecture on Jove and his nectar Itself is the only true liquid divine Then stick to the cratur' the best thing in nature For sinking your sorrows and raising your joys Oh lord, it's the right thing for courting and fighting There's nowt so exciting as poteen me boys. Come guess me this riddle, what beats pipes and fiddle What's hotter than mustard and milder than cream What best wets your whistle, what's clearer than crystal Smoother than honey and stronger than steam What will make the dumb talk, what'll make the lame walk The elixir of life and philosopher's stone And what helped Mr. Brunnell to dig the Thames Tunnel Wasn't it poteen from ould Inisowen Then stick to the cratur' the best thing in nature For sinking your sorrows and raising your joys Oh lord, it's no wonder, if lightning and thunder Was made from the plunder of poteen me boys.