When I Get to Heaven

When I get to heaven I'm gonna shake God's hand Thank Him for more blessings than one man can stand Then I'm gonna get a guitar And start a rock-n-roll band Check into a swell hotel Ain't the afterlife grand? And then I'm gonna get a cocktail Vodka and ginger ale Yeah, I'm gonna smoke a cigarette that's nine miles long I'm gonna kiss that pretty girl on the tilt-a-whirl 'Cause this old man is goin' to town Then as God is my witness I'm getting back into show business I'm gonna open up a nightclub called "The Tree of Forgiveness" And forgive everybody ever done me any harm Well, I might even invite a few choice critics Those syph'litic parasitics Buy 'em a pint of Smithwicks And smother 'em with my charm 'Cause then I'm gonna get a cocktail Vodka and ginger ale Yeah I'm gonna smoke a cigarette that's nine miles long I'm gonna kiss that pretty girl on the tilt-a-whirl Yeah this old man is goin' to town Yeah when I get to heaven I'm gonna take that wristwatch off my arm What are you gonna do with time After you've bought the farm? And them I'm gonna go find my mom and dad And good old brother Doug Well I bet him and cousin Jackie are still cuttin' up a rug I wanna see all my mama's sisters 'Cause that's where all the love starts I miss 'em all like crazy Bless their little hearts And I always will remember these words my daddy said He said, " Buddy, when you're dead, you're a dead pecker-head" I hope to prove him wrong That is, when I get to heaven 'Cause then I'm gonna get a cocktail Vodka and ginger ale Yeah I'm gonna smoke a cigarette that's nine miles long I'm gonna kiss that pretty girl on the tilt-a-whirl Yeah this old man is goin' to town Yeah this old man is goin' to town