It's a Big Old Goofy World

About a year ago I was sitting around Helping my ma finish a crossword puzzle And there was this little thing on the back Of the crossword puzzle book It had a bunch of similes, like sly as a fox Busy as a bee, and you were supposed to fill in the blanks So me and her started fillin' 'em in and we got to Laughing about some of them, and she started telling me Of something that once she heard when she was a kid in Kentucky And they're unmentionable But I didn't forget about it, and I took that page out of the book And kept it in my back pocket for a while And I started collecting these similes 'Cause it seemed odd to me that somebody could sing like an angel But eat like a horse So I let this kind of simmer for about a year And I sat down last Sunday and wrote this song Originally this song was gonna be called "When the world was flat as a pancake, Mona Lisa was happy as a clam" But I opted for a different one here It's just called, "It's a Big Old Goofy World" Up in the morning Work like a dog Is better than sitting Like a bump on a log Mind all your manners Be quiet as a mouse Someday you'll own a home That's as big as a house I know a fella He eats like a horse Knocks his old balls 'Round the old golf course You oughta see his wife She's a cute little dish She smokes like a chimney And drinks like a fish There's a big old goofy man Dancing with a big old goofy girl Ooh baby, it's a big old goofy world Now Elvis had a woman With a head like a rock I wished I had a woman That made my knees knock She'd sing like an angel And eat like a bird And if I wrote a song She'd know every single word There's a big old goofy man Dancing with a big old goofy girl Ooh baby, it's a big old goofy world Kiss a little baby Give the world a smile If you take an inch Give 'em back a mile 'Cause if you lie like a rug And you don't give a damn You're never gonna be As happy as a clam So I'm sitting in a hotel Trying to write a song My head is just as empty As the day is long Why it's clear as a bell I should have gone to school I'd be wise as an owl Instead of stubborn as a mule There's a big old goofy man Dancing with a big old goofy girl Ooh baby, it's a big old goofy world Ooh baby, it's a big old goofy world Thank you very much