Happy Fornication

Have been Mr. Single for a while Got no females in a square mile Already have calluses in my hands Too much masturbation no one withstands Now and then I try a household device But even that won't suffice Got myself so delirious That my neighbor's goat looks kind of vicious The other day I whacked off with a plunger Almost got me a penile puncture I'm so happy, ohhh Even brought my proctologist appointment ahead And stuck my dick in a banana bread All I wanted was a happy fornication But chicks don't dig me 'cause of my genital malformation Went down to the bar to get intoxicated Met some broads and got animated Spotted a girl and we drank 'til late End up trying to rise the birth rate Next morning I had a huge hangover Still I wish I wasn't sober! Liquor doesn't teach you to spot a transvestite Thought her name was Rita but no, it was Yosemite!