One, two, three

I have no head for figures

My hands cannot explain

Endangered animals and acid rain

I see dead rivers running dry

I see activists who march and cry

How they cry singin'

Why, must we desecrate this land?

I'll tell you why: Because we can!

That's why

Save the whales, save the seals

Save the eagle, save the bison and the beach

Why not save your breath

Save the porpoise, save the dolphin

Save the gerbil, save the racoon and the rat

Why not save some stamps

I am a human, I'm a goddamn human being

I walk erect

See the cheetah, oh so supple, lean and quick

As he chases a gazelle

But he can't drive a car

At least not very far

I am a human, I'm a goddamn human being

I can pay for sex

"Hey! There's a great show on the Discovery Channel tonight

The history of the badger."

"Hmm, I wonder what badger tastes like?"

"I don't know, probably tastes like ferret."

"Wow, you've had ferret?"

"Yeah."

"What's it taste like?"

"Chicken."

I am a human, I'm a goddamn human being

I can wipe my ass

What gives mankind the right to kill, at will?

I'll tell you what: Guns!

Big fuckin' guns, with giant fuckin' bullets pal!

I am a human, I'm a goddamn human being

I can shave my balls

"Where are those cheeseburgers we ordered, man? Huh?"

--------------

"Goodbye Mother T... And it seems to me you live your life like a Gandhi in the wind, never knowing who to cling to when Ben Casey walked in, and...

This is great! This is better than the Princess Di thing."

I drink, and I drive

I'm the only one in my car that gets out alive

Ted Kennedy...

"Vagina... that's a good word."

"Penis." (repeated a few times)