Soul Searching

So much weight on my chest I feel so alone don't know how to express The stress in my heart The wounds in my soul The past is the past but I can't let it go and it breaks me I swear this shit fucking breaks me I'm desperate, can somebody come and save me? Cause lately, I've been close to the fuckin' edge So many suicidal thoughts in my fucking head I'm so depressed and I feel ashamed Popping pills everyday so I don't feel the pain But I don't say shit I don't ever say shit Cause every time I try it's like I hear the same shit Jay, you gon' be just fine You just gotta give it time, find your peace of mind But you don't understand the tears that I shed Sometimes I just cry only wishing I was dead and I'm sorry I'm truly sorry for the way I feel I'm so lost in my dreams don't know what is real This poetry is all I have when I feel deprived I grab my pad and my pen and I feel revived I can't decide what the fuck am I here for I'm doing what I love but my heart's still sore I still battle with depression on a daily I see my own reflection and I swear I fuckin' hate me I said I swear I fuckin' hate me Got a big heart but my heart's slowly breaking Chasing all my dreams but I don't know where it's gon' take me Tired of being broke, gotta start acting shady Making dirty money, yo, this shit is so degrading Momma know I'm sorry for this route in which I'm taking I ain't fuckin' proud of these decisions that I'm making but I'm desperate for some Answers why my heart is always aching If you hear me Lord, talk to me All the sins from my past have been haunting me I'm so scared of the future so I stay stuck Broken into pieces yo my spirits all taped up I came up, but it feels like I'm coming down Pool full of liquor swim 'til I fuckin' drown That's the only way I know how to crack a smile Taking shots 'til I vomit and I'm passing out When I'm sober I just feel afraid I don't know if I'ma live to see another day I'm tryna' stand but I feel like I'm 'boutta cave I'm so trapped in my mind like a fuckin' slave So much weight on my chest got me feeling tired Plague in my soul I swear is like a wildfire Like a wildfire spreading everywhere take a look into my eyes see the pain Yo there's plenty there See the pain yo there's plenty there But I don't know if they really care Where is love is it anywhere? And if it is yo it's really rare Can a broken heart be repaired? Can a broken heart be repaired? Can you tell me yo I need to know Or is it lost in our own despair? Can you tell me yo I need to know Can you tell me yo I need to know Or is it lost in our own despair?