Stuck in a Loop

Life ain't really what it fuckin' seems like I used to push through, but now it feels like There's nothin' I can do, trapped inside my mind Yeah, I'm stuck up in a loop I forget who I am To tell you the truth, I don't feel like a man I feel like a monster, that's stuck in his head I see no escape, and I'm stuck where I am Damn, this is where all of it ends I'm airin' it out, and I'm gettin' on meds 'Cause, I needed help, but the people I tell Will tell me, "Be happy", it's all in my head Do you know what it's like, know what it's like? To wake up in panic, you scared for your life? So, you reach for the meds, but the meds isn't there 'Cause, we took 'em away, when you said you was aight Damn, now I'm trapped in a fight Lookin' for somethin' I know I can't find The map to be happy is so fuckin' close I discovered the mountain, but now I can't climb, fuck! And, that is discouragin' But, when I get pressure, I'm flourishin' So, maybe, I'll take all the pain that's fightin' my brain, then bottle and bury it Or maybe, embrace and encourage it, wait, maybe I'll baby and nourish it Wait, maybe, I'll make you a track about how I'm depressed, and I bet you'll encourage it, hoo! Why do you people think different than me, different than me? I need the cure, my evil is pure, don't listen to me, don't listen to me Sit in my room, stare at the roof, that's just sump'n I do, sump'n I do Will tomorrow be different? 'Cause, lately, I feel like I'm stuck in a loop, hoo! Life ain't really what it fuckin' seems like I use to push through, but now it feels like There's nothin' I can do, trapped inside my mind Yeah, I'm stuck up in a loop I forget who I am To tell you the truth, I don't feel like a man I feel like a dude, who's abusin' his meds To run from the issues he thinks that he has Damn, this is where all of it ends I'm standin' my ground, I ain't fallin', again 'Cause, I need some help, I'm fightin' myself They tell me I'm crazy, it's all in my head What the fuck do you know about wakin' up sad? Makin' excuses for shit that you say You're stuck in a loop, and you scared to admit it So, nobody knows that you livin' in pain Man, it's drivin' you crazy, drivin' you crazy Thinkin' 'bout what all these people would say They say that you livin' a dream, and ain't really sad 'Cause, you got a smile on yo' face But, they don't know 'bout all the trauma No, they don't know 'bout all your problems And, they don't know 'bout all the demons you dealin' with, dyin' when you was a toddler Never had childhood, only had fear Talked to the reaper when you was a mere four years old, know what that did? It gave you depression when you was a kid, hoo! You try to be honest, tellin' the doctor 'bout what's on your mind, what's on your mind He said that it's puberty, give it a year, and I bet you'll be fine, I bet you'll be fine You're twenty years old, you're feelin' the same, you've got nuttin' to lose, nuttin' to lose 'Cause, life isn't bringin' you joy, it's bringin' you pain, and you stuck in a loop, hoo! Life ain't really what it fuckin' seems like I used to push through, but now it feels like There's nothin' I can do, trapped inside my mind, yeah, I'm stuck up in a loop I forget who I am To tell you the truth, I don't feel like a man I feel like a loser that's losin' his friends I push 'em away, when I'm losin' my head Damn, this is where all of it ends, I'm speakin' my mind, and I'm plottin' revenge 'Cause, I needed help, and people could tell, but they went and left me to suffer, again But, I know what it's like when you see it, your homies are battlin', too And, you aren't a therapist, so you pretend you don't notice, but they know you do And now, it's too awkward to even be with 'em, so you just leave 'em, right out of the blue Now, they all thinkin' that they was the reason, but deep in your mind, you know it was you So now, you feel guilty for shit that you said, but you got that pride that you're bottlin' in And, you won't admit that you're killin' your homie, you look to the side and forget it, again But, every message he sends a beep to your phone, but you never read it, you leave it alone Makin' him feel like he's livin' in hell, so he's burnin' himself just to feel he's at home, hoo! These are the times where I like to reflect what I think of myself, I think of myself I act like a victim in most situations, I think I need help, I think I need help Why are you hiding your feelings from them, you got nuttin' to prove, nuttin' to prove? So fuck all of that, just think of a way to get out of this loop, hoo!