Bitterness is what I’m tastin’.

Frustration’s what I’m facin’.

What did I learn to do with negative emotions?

Misplace ‘em. Two face ‘em.

Smile and act calm even if my heart is racin’.

I tried to erase ‘em from my memory but they’re like permanent marker on the white board of my soul.

No solution I can find except to impose tighter control.

But that just increases the pressure making it worse when I explode.

Want to just crawl out of my skin.

Peace is gone and anger’s now my best friend.

He tells me I’m lost and I can’t be whole.

Points me outward to find satisfaction for my soul.

I believe him because deep down I’m a fool.

Apparently poor decisions in life aren’t prevented by straight A’s in school.

My eyes scour the ground and my heart reaches.

Turn over every stone and click on every app to see what it teaches.

It gratifies for a moment then leaves me wanting.

The answer wasn’t there and the truth I’m now confronting is that time has been wasted.

That hole in my soul’s gotten bigger.

Consumed all I wanted but there’s less of me now, somehow, I figure.

Every pleasure’s like a gun pointed back at me but I can’t stop pulling the trigger.

Each failed idol punishing me for its worship.

Lashes on my back from that taskmaster’s whip.

They lied to me, they said they’d fulfill. Said they’d be enough.

Promised to smooth out my edges but instead left me more rough.

Enough is enough!

Where in the world is the living water that won’t run dry?

Or those quiet waters that the Shepherd supposedly supplies?

Perhaps not out there anywhere, but instead inside.

What if the water of life’s not found in a physical well?

Or if satisfaction can’t be found where only men dwell?

Maybe it takes more than this physical world for our souls to abound.

‘Cause within is where Jesus said His kingdom could be found.

As I think on this something shifts.

The wind blows and I know He’s here.

He’s not in a hurry to get anywhere.

Give me your anger.

Give me your fears.

I hear those lines whispered in my ears.

I breath deep and repeat.

Surely in my peace lies the enemy’s defeat.

Suddenly so complete.

Like in this very sacred air

Hang vital nutrients God wants to share.

Utterly here, in this millisecond of existence.

Though the clock rolls on, my sense of being present is persistent.

A loving presence is perceived, a sense of being known, consistent.

I don’t resist it.

Known, seen, and loved.

What more could any human desire?

It’s true of my life no matter what has transpired.

And even when I choose to return to the muck and mire there’s a Father’s love burning for me like a raging fire.

But all that dirt and grime does build up over time so that my skin loses the sensitivity to the wind that it finds.

Gently that breeze blows and poorly perceived by the overburdened mind, but if I find the stillness, the quiet.

Take the time.

The waters of silence begin to loosen the grime.

And in the wide-open space of solitude that tangled web of worries can unwind.

When it's unraveled, underneath I find.

Sensitive skin, a tender heart once again, and the voice of the Divine.