Let’s be honest, change is hard.

I’ve tried to change so many times.

Fed so many people so many lines that I meant with all my heart, but then couldn’t follow through after a seemingly good start.

My good intentions writing checks that my poor soul couldn’t cash.

Heartfelt promises last a few days, then crash.

Her hopes dashed, and me back to square 1 in an instant causing us relational whiplash.

I gave it my all, it wasn't on purpose.

It’s just the parts of me that didn’t actually change kept rising to the surface.

Those skeletons in my closet would come out in a parade.

Mocking me, chanting, “You’re whole life is a charade.”

“You’ve never changed. And you never will.”

I don’t care how strong you are, that’s a bitter pill to swallow.

Have you ever felt that hollow?

Just stuck. Can’t break the cycle inside, wanna' fly but wings bound by invisible ties so I end up drowning in the sea of “I tried”.

I did try to change so many times.

Then one day I met Love and something happened divine.

This Love was patient, it was kind.

It was sacrificial, unlike mine.

It would suffer for me so I could be ok.

Look directly at my brokenness but not be afraid.

It promised to stay.

Which, other loves had done and left anyway, but something about this love made me believe what it would say.

It didn’t need me to change in order to be accepted.

It accepted me first, which shifted my perspective.

I no longer felt rejected.

It wasn’t asking anything of me but to believe, to trust it.

Which, is probably the hardest thing to ask a heart-broken misfit.

But I could sense real change just around the corner.

And each little trusting step I took made my heart grow warmer.

For the first time I was really ok

Being unconditionally accepted somehow freed me to change.

So I decided to stop making promises that I couldn't keep

And instead start paying attention to where I was weak.

Chose to speak honestly with myself and those around me,

Gave up hiding my junk and instead just let them see.

Embraced my weakness and found real power from above.

Faced my demons and saw fear trampled by Love.

That love was stronger than every evil I had found

And its power could release me from any area I was bound.

That love changed me: I’ll never be the same.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not perfect, but you know what?

Perfection’s not my aim.

I’m happy with bit by bit continually being changed.

Look, if any of this resonates, please don't hesitate, come join me in not hiding.

Look your darkness in the face, cause guess what?

It’s afraid of you shining.