Oh when you’re life feels shit and you feel like a hit of heroin in your arm

When your husband says fuck it your hole is like a bucket and he won’t have sex with you anymoreThere’s a bright side…

Your kids treat you like a joke the microwave is broke and you're out of coffee, gin and wine

You’ve not been out in months your childless friends are cunts cause they’ve all forgotten that you still exist There’s a bright side oh yes there’s a bright side

Cause you don’t do heroin you can always get takeaway and wine

If your hole is huge you can make some money from ‘Freak Porn’

If your kids are dicks sure just take lots of pics and shame them when they’re older

Just go out with your mammy friends they’re cheaper drunks anyway

Oh when sleep is in the past you don’t think that you’ll last cause you look like Freddy Krueger

When your guy wants in the back but you hate him near your crack you try anyway then can’t sit down for weeks There’s a bright side…

You’ve stopped earning your own money and no one calls you honey cause you’ve lost all sex appeal now you’re a mom

Breast feeding leaves you dry no american pie and you’ve spent ten quid on vaseline

There’s a bright side, oh yes there’s a bright side

If you look like hell on earth then why not drink more anyway

If your ass if off limit spend time and get tips from your gay friends - they’re more fun

If no one fancies you you’ve got a head start on your sexuality dying

Media tells me that happens at 40 anyway

So now you’re just a mom tea is your jagger bomb and you won’t have excess energy again

Hard to dress the brand new you though you used to have clue and black sacks are your mammy fashion choice

There’s a bright side…

You’ve rocked and hugged and fed your boobs have cracked and bled And witching hour lasts longer than an hour

You can’t have a poo in peace your brain is out on lease to the toddler tipping biscuits on the floor But there’s a bright side oh yes there's a bright side

If you have no energy you can moan all you want no one listens to Mom

If you can’t dress well it’s a great excuse not to leave the house ever again

If your boobs are like a crime scene then…. I’ve got nothing….

But one day they will say I love you Mommy

That’s the bright side

And every time they kiss you you get some disease that they’ve brought home from nursery