Hieeee

Greetings My name's yours What's Alaska? Everybody, welcome to the show The rules of engagement are really quite simple So if you can pull yourself away from Grindr for two seconds Listen up: The use of flash photography is strictly mandatory Do you think I look like this just so I can exist in your feeble memory? Ha Take a picture and I'll last forever Get your drinks now, people The more you drink, the prettier we look Is this your boyfriend, honey? Not anymore Tipping is compulsory If you don't know what compulsory means, I'll spell it out for you: Tip. These. Men. It takes a lot of money to look this cheap, Darling Be kind to your entertainers If you see a flaw, squint If you see a bulge, don't be mad Some of the most beautiful women in the world have gigantic penises If you see something you don't like Something unseemly or offensive Something vile or disgusting We'll be happy to take your complaints after the show At the corner of Fuck You and Go Fuck Yourself Avenue.com I'll see you there, bring a sweater If you think you can do better sweetheart, I implore you Put on a wig and mash your mouth around To other people's music for four and a half minutes It's not as easy as it looks! Do you need a hair piece? Here, you can borrow mine Show generosity to these monstrosities Respect, kindness, compassion And most of all, whenever possible Tell us we look gorgeous Tell us we look gorgeous Tell me I look gorgeous Do I look gorgeous? (Yeah) Ok, but, how about sexy? (Yeah) Ok, alright, but how about sensual? (Yeah) Alright, but how about breathtaking? Geez (Yeah) I swear, it's like pulling teeth to get A little tiny compliment outa you people Now, let's review, everybody: Your makeup is terrible If you're not wearing nails, you're not doing drag Don't ever touch my hair Anus, I love your pussy Give me all your money, absolutely C'mon nature, c'mon natch, c'mon buildup, oh Hieeee Hieeee What, what, what, what What, what, what, what Hieeee Everybody everywhere, everybody everywhere Hieeee Hieeee, hieeee Hi-hi-hi-hi-hi