The War That Followed Me Home

I break down My mind awakes in the wake of hysteria It's happening again I see your face in the place where I rest my head I only sleep with my eyes wide open I blame myself, I shame myself Death from the front lines showing up on my front doorstep You'll never know the guilt I felt from surviving Or know the love and loss that's always on repeat I'm just a living casualty I thought I left the fight behind back overseas And maybe I'm denied a full recovery I've gone M.I.A I'll never find me I can't escape the flashbacks We attacked, they shot back The skies turned black I watched my friend take his last breath I set aside my humanity How can I feel when I've been trained for apathy? I put my life on the line, at what cost? My first kill became the death of me Death of me Forget everything you've known and come to believe Stripped down and torn apart Replace the heart, you are a machine Somewhere I know there's a soul trapped in between Death from the front lines showing up on my front doorstep You'll never know the guilt I felt from surviving Or know the love and loss that's always on repeat I'm just a living casualty I thought I left the fight behind back overseas And maybe I'm denied a full recovery I've gone M.I.A I'll never find me Where do I go from here When the smoke clears and the bodies appear? No time for fear as death rains from the air My knees collapse, and I brace for the impact The bloodshed that never ends The echo that runs through my head It's a war that followed me home It's a war that followed me home It's a war that followed me home You'll never know the guilt I felt from surviving Or know the love and loss that's always on repeat I'm just a living casualty I thought I left the fight behind back overseas And maybe I'm denied a full recovery I've gone M.I.A I'll never find me