The Homosexual

I love women but I'm thinking of giving in I love women but what's the point of arguing With the men from boarding schools and building sites Who've told me I'm a homosexual all my life One stop past Embankment and the coughs begin Hell hath no fury like an insecure Englishman You don't need psychoanalysts to translate this 'There is an open homosexual in our midst' 'The Homosexual' they call me It's all the same to me That spectre they projected I will now pretend to be Since their neurosis is what passes for normality It's okay with me if I'm queer Since their tone-deafness is called the love of music I won't disabuse them I'll make love with their women I'll make them sing notes of pleasure Their husbands will never hear I love women but I take them by surprise Pretending absolute indifference to their breasts and thighs Like their hairdressers and dressmakers I hear confessionals Reserved for homosexual professionals As I put their feet in stirrups with my limp wrist (A trick I learned from a homosexual gynaecologist) I recall the words my first girlfriend ended our first date with "I feel privileged you chose me to go straight with" 'The Homosexual' they call me It's all the same to me That spectre they projected I will now pretend to be Since their neurosis is what passes for normality It's okay with me if I'm queer Since their tone-deafness is called the love of music I won't disabuse them I'll make love with their women I'll make them sing notes of pleasure Their husbands will never hear You who called me shirt-lifter in Chemistry class You who sniggered "look out for your arse" Now your women wash your shirts, now your kids are born, baby, look out for your horns You who called me teapot, who plagued me with your bile Guess who I've got coming to the boil Why not grab the nettle I'll settle for being the kettle if you're the pot I take my tea like my revenge: sweet and hot 'The Homosexual' they call me It's all the same to me That spectre they projected I will now pretend to be Since their neurosis is what passes for normality It's okay with me if I'm queer Since their tone-deafness is called the love of music I won't disabuse them I'll make love with their women I'll make them sing notes of pleasure Their husbands will never hear 'The Homosexual' you call me It's all the same to me That spectre you projected I will now pretend to be Since your neurosis is what passes for normality It's okay with me if I'm queer Since your tone-deafness is called the love of music I won't disabuse you I'll make love with your women I'll make them sing notes of pleasure That you will never hear Never in a million years No fucking fear