The Pot & Kettle

One smoky day in a darkened scullery Doon by the river in a factory town Where bad things happen & the walls are drippn' And the ghosts are flittin' frae the cold hard ground A pot & kettle on the hob were settled A' hissin' their patter so bileous cruel An awfy matter o' clout & claterin' Battlin' wits in a hideous duel Lids a rattlin' belchin' steam Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream 'You're a lowly villain' 'You're a terrible liar' 'But we're both here cookin' on the same old fire' Guts a bubblin' belchin' steam Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream 'You're a chanty pot' 'And you're a shite for brains' 'But we're both here hangin' on the same old chains' "I've roasted a wealth of exotic things All torn to ribbons at the hands of kings Polished copper how I proudly shone Stealin the fire of the blazing sun" "Ye've boilt nae mair'n 'em old soup bones I've boilt the tea for them stately homes I were rattled like a drum each Hogmanay Then scrubbed tae the devil on the follwin' day" Lids a rattlin' belchin' steam Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream 'You're a lowly villain' 'You're a terrible liar' 'But we're both here cookin' on the same old fire' Guts a bubblin' belchin' steam Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream 'You're a chanty pot' 'And you're a shite for brains' 'But we're both here hangin' on the same old chains' Lids a rattlin' belchin' steam Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream 'You're a lowly villain' 'You're a terrible liar' 'But we're both here cookin' on the same old fire' Guts a bubblin' belchin' steam Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream 'You're a chanty pot' 'And you're a shite for brains' 'But we're both here hangin' on the same old chains' "O kettle yer metal is a terrible hue Riddled wi' holes cannae hold yer brew Yer lids all crooked & yer sides bashed in It'll no be long afore ye see the bin" "Pot your not so bright as me A hags old cauldron is all you'd be You reek o' gruel & you're none too young Fit for to carry but the peels & dung" Lids a rattlin' belchin' steam Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream 'You're a lowly villain' 'You're a terrible liar' 'But we're both here cookin' on the same old fire' Guts a bubblin' belchin' steam Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream 'You're an old piss bucket' 'You're a dented can' 'But we're neither as black as that roasting pan.' Lids a rattlin' belchin' steam Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream 'You're a lowly villain' 'You're a terrible liar' 'But we're both here cookin' on the same old fire' Guts a bubblin' belchin' steam Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream 'You're a chanty pot' 'And you're a shite for brains' 'But we're both here hangin' on the same old chains' Lids a rattlin' belchin' steam Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream 'You're a lowly villain' 'You're a terrible liar' 'But we're both here cookin' on the same old fire' Guts a bubblin' belchin' steam Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream 'You're a chanty pot' 'And you're a shite for brains' 'But we're both here hangin' on the rusty chains' Lids a rattlin' belchin' steam Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream 'You're a lowly villain' 'You're a terrible liar' 'But we're both here cookin' on the same old fire' Guts a bubblin' belchin' steam Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream 'You're a chanty pot' 'And you're a shite for brains' 'But we're both here hangin' on the same old chains' Lids a rattlin' belchin' steam Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream 'You're a lowly villain' 'You're a terrible liar' 'But we're both here cookin' on the same old fire' Guts a bubblin' belchin' steam Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream 'You're a chanty pot' 'And you're a shite for brains' 'But we're both here hangin' on the same old chains' Lids a rattlin' belchin' steam Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream 'You're a lowly villain' 'You're a terrible liar' 'But we're both here cookin' on the same old fire' Guts a bubblin' belchin' steam Life ain't nothin but a fevered dream 'You're a chanty pot' 'And you're a shite for brains' 'But we're both here hangin' on the same old chains'