Left Brain, Right Brain

Okay, um, we're moving right along here, um- (Hello, patient 24602) Sorry Hello, how are- (How are you feeling?) Um, not great (Has the treatment been working?) Uh, I don't think so, no (What are your remaining symptoms?) I just, I- I internalize my feelings a lot I have trouble articulating how I'm feeling to other people I feel like I just, I- (so basically, you're still a little bitch) Yes, very mature of you, disembodied voice, way up there (I was just joking, nigga) Alright, you're not as safe in Wisconsin as you might think with that shit (I'm not human, I can say whatever I want) alright, just, just, what? Get to the point! What's wrong with me? Please, please! (Your emotions and your logic are at war) Okay (Your creativity and your analysis are at war And most simply, your left and right brain are at war) My left and my- (To fix the problem, we must separate them from each other) Sep- (Splitting your neurological functions in five...) Well, we book an appointment or something? (Four...) (Three, two...) Dow- You don't just start counting down to (One...) Major medical procedures Uh- (This may hurt a bit) I don't even know what it is! (Zero) Just tell me what you're- (Isolation complete This is Bo's left brain - objective, logical, cold, analytical Aware of patterns, aware of trends He's efficient, and a prick This is Bo's right brain - subjective, creative, sensory Aware of feelings, aware of people He's emotional, and an idiot) That's your opinion, just- careful with opinions (Okay boys, play nice) I am the left brain, I am the left brain I work really hard till my inevitable death brain You got a job to do, you better do it right And the right way is with the left brain's might I like Oreos and pussy, yes! In that order! And I cried for at least an hour after watching Toy Story 3, Woody! I am the right brain (sha-na-na-na-na) I have feelings (sha-na-na-na-na) I'm a little all over the place But I'm lustful, trustful and I'm looking for somebody to love Or put my penis in! Here comes a female, here comes a female Puff your chest out, take your phone, and check your e-mail Our evolutionary purpose is repopulate So gather data now, and see if she's a possible mate Holy fuck, I think she might be the one There's something about her, I just can't describe it! Tits I am the Earth, she's the glorious Sun! I want her to trust me and I just want her to- How do I say this, sit on my face? Sit, sit on my face! Alright, now, right brain, you're being insane No, left brain, I'm just being alive You should try it, you might like it I worked hard to give him everything he cared about You were worried 'bout the things that he was scared about I'm calm and collected when you act wild I am the adult, you are the child You think you're the right one every time You think you know everything, but you don't know anything at all Half of his problems were s'posed to be mine But you wanted everything, I hope that you're happy 'Cause he's sure not! Well, according to my calculations I'm sorry, let me run the numbers again, um, you're a pussy Name-calling? Really? You're gonna just do name-calling? I'm not calling names, alright? I'm just stating facts And the fact is, you're a quivering pussy I'm the pussy? Well, at least I don't play with toys still, okay? Rubik's Cubes are not toys, they keep my spatial reasoning skills sharp! Left brain plays with toys! Look at you, mister, you're a- toy player! Well, at least I did my fuckin' job, alright? I kept him working, I kept him productive! You were supposed to look after him You were supposed to keep him emotionally stable through all this Now you're trying to blame me for how he's feeling, how he's feeling! If he's feeling unhappy, it's because you failed him! You did this to him, he hates you, I know he does! He fuckin' hates you! Right brain, look, I'm sorry, okay? No, you're not! Look, maybe there's something that we could do together Together? Take the best parts of both of us, put 'em together I'm listening It would let you let your feelings out, it would let me analyze So you could man the themes, I'll man the form It's something that George Carlin did It's something that Steve Martin did It's something special that we could both perform Do you know what it is? Juggling! We could juggle, and juggle our cares away! It was- It was comedy, we could do comedy together (Initiate reassembly) Alright, le- right brain, look We're gonna do comedy together, alright? We gotta do comedy! Alright, alright, left brain, I'll do comedy with you Look, we can fix him like this (Commencing reformation of the simple mind in five...) we're gonna make him happy again I promise, alright? Left brain! (Four...) Left brain, I love you! (Three...) (Two... one...) I know (Experimentation complete) Thank you very much Thank you guys for coming, it's so nice, I- I wanted to record the CD in Madison 'Cause this is always one of my favorite places to play I played here last year, I don't know if some people came to that one That's very nice, thanks for coming again, I appreciate it Um, there's gonna be- y'know, there's little silences in the shows I'm moving between pieces Don't feel like you have to fill that silence With laughter or applause I don't want you leaving this show, saying, y'know "My hands hurt from clapping", "My stomach hurts from laughing" I just want you leaving this show, thinking "Oh, well And we're on our way"