Credits
PERFORMING ARTISTS
Bo Burnham
Spoken Word
COMPOSITION & LYRICS
Bo Burnham
Songwriter
PRODUCTION & ENGINEERING
Bo Burnham
Producer
Lyrics
[Verse 1]
Tonight at 10 the world is ending again
And we know why and when, so you better watch
We got a bit with some feminist chick
And also a picture of a starlet's crotch
[Verse 2]
Two people died, a double homicide
Their bodies found inside of a wishing well
And we tackle the flaws in these obesity laws
In a segment that's sponsored by Taco Bell
[Verse 3]
We've got violence, danger, sex and drugs
And it's awesome 'cause all of it's real
We do the illusion of news and while you
Think you're choosing the views that you feel
[Verse 4]
All of this and more and live
Only on the Channel 5 News
(News)
Only on the Channel 5
(News)
Only on the Channel 5
(News) Channel, channel five, ch-ch-channel five
Channel five, only, o-only on the channel five
(News) Only, only
We got Chip walker, live at the scene, with breaking news
Only on the Channel 5 News
Chip, are you there?
[Verse 5]
Chip Walker here, am I coming in clear?
I'm standing near to the scene of the crime
This Iraqi guy's shop seemed a newsworthy spot
So we've been gathering shots here for quite some time
[Verse 6]
And today, real fast, the owner's daughter passed
We grabbed a shot of her ass while the owner was near
Then he struck my chest and now he's under arrest
And now you people have one less man to fear
[Verse 7]
His family's angry, crying, sad, and lost
And it's awesome 'cause all of it's real
I do the illusion of news and while you
Think you're choosing the views that you feel
[Verse 8]
More as this develops live
Only on the Channel 5 News
Only on the Channel 5
(News)
Only on the Channel 5
(News)
We go now to Max Stevens with the weather for the weekend
(Channel 5, only on the channel 5)
What are we looking at here, Max, umbrellas or picnic baskets?
(News)
Max, Max?
Only on the Channel 5
[Verse 9]
(We're experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by)
(Please stand, please stand b-, -and, please sta-)
(Please, p-please, please stand by, please stand, please)
(P-please stand, please stand, plea- s- please stand by)
Alright, we got a signal, cut to Max
[Verse 10]
Good evening, hi, it's your weather guy
I advise you to buy another lightning rod
We didn't catch this impending disaster
Maybe it's natural, maybe it's God
[Verse 11]
The sliding mud, the incoming flood
(He's off script, he's off script, cut to commercial)
Will never wash the blood from my greedy old hands
This job was fun, I had a pretty good run
But I've never been one to give in to demands
(He's off script, cut to commercial)
[Verse 12]
The people are angry, crying, sad, and lost
And it's awful 'cause all of it's real
We do the illusion of news and while you
Think you're choosing the views that you feel
[Verse 13]
All of this and more and live
Only on the Channel 5
Only on the Channel 5
Only, only o- (We're back)
[Verse 14]
(News)
Only on the Channel 5
(News)
Only on the Channel 5
(News) Channel, channel five, ch-ch-channel five
Channel five, only o-only on the channel five
(News) Only, only
Only on the Channel 5 News
[Verse 15]
Only on the Channel 5
Only on the Channel 5
Channel 5
Only on the Channel 5
[Verse 16]
It's only on the channel 5 news
(News)
Only on the Channel 5
(News)
Only on the Channel 5
(News)
Channel five, only on the channel five
(News)
Written by: Bo Burnham
