Balloons

I miss the days when no one even knew my name Now everywhere I go, I wear a hat to hide my face I got weapons hidden inside every room in my place Now I have to keep a pistol on me always just in case This is a nightmare, never expected the fame To be something I would wrestle with and fight to embrace Sometimes I feel like the love I gеt's outweighed by the hatе I hid the tears, but I can't hide from the pain I'm working 20-hour days, can't even lie to y'all, I'm burnt out I sleep on my weight bench, tryna find the strength to work out Should be happy I'm successful, I just went and bought my first house Thought money would help cure my depression, but it's worse, how? I'm tired of it, lucky I don't have a manager 'cause I'd be firing him Tired of talking to other artists who just wanna tell me I'm inspiring them Parents keep telling me they have a kid and they're thankful their child is admiring me Great, wanna know how I feel? I might kill myself before retiring I'm in the clouds I can't reach the ground They're coming in crowds Blew me up like a balloon and let me go Watch me float away, well, I scream, "no" Every time I get close, they pull out their phones Like, "Maybe this time we can see him explode" Blew me up like a balloon and let me go They all throwing rocks 'cause they're tryna poke holes They wanna see me pop, they don't wanna see me blow They're the reason that I'm gone, they don't wanna see me go Blew me up like a balloon and left me I miss the times when I could go outside I didn't have to watch my back outta the corner of my eye I didn't have to fake a smile and pose for pictures all the time Can't even lie, I miss when time was really mine Now I just belong to everybody else but me These panic attacks are making it awful hard to breathe Built a vocal booth inside the crib and stopped making beats Don't even rap, I stand inside of it and scream Like this is not what I expected, I worked my hands to the bone And my anxiety is triggered by the apps on my phone I tried deleting them so the Internet would leave me alone But the lack of attention made me feel worse than before I'm sick of it all The Internet watching me trip when I fall Embarrassed that everyone witnesses all My illnesses in real time, man, I'm addicted to y'all Rappers on Twitter don't get me involved I'm posing for photos with fans in the mall I'm dying inside, pretending I'm strong I'm not a celebrity, I am just Tom I'm in the clouds I can't reach the ground They're coming in crowds Blew me up like a balloon and let me go Watch me float away, well, I scream, "no" Every time I get close, they pull out their phones Like, "Maybe this time we can see him explode" Blew me up like a balloon and let me go They all throwing rocks 'cause they're tryna poke holes They wanna see me pop, they don't wanna see me blow They're the reason that I'm gone, they don't wanna see me go Blew me up like a balloon and left me I miss the years when every Friday wasn't spent with my therapist Then I realized I hated fame and accepted I'm scared of it I got Ativan, Cipralex, Xanax and Seraquel In a Tupperware container, I don't touch, I just stare at 'em Breathing exercises supposed to help me to cope But nothing works quite as good as a bottle of jack and a smoke I try to focus on my breath, but it gets stuck in my throat This never happened back when I was young and happy and broke I never thought I'd be the rapper all these rappers try to be Posting 20 times a day, now I don't have no privacy Meeting with these major labels, CEOs with giant teams If y'all wanna do business, why are y'all tryna lie to me? I'm bored of the fame Every time it feels fresh again I'm getting more of the same Interviewers think they know who I am They made up their mind before I explain Well, because you asked so nice, I guess I'll tell Ain't been feeling too hot lately, Jim, is there anything else? Great 'Cause lately every day I feel like I'm living in hell I'm glad the music helps you, but I might really kill myself When this magazine gets printed, can you send one to my house? I'd like to own a tiny piece of me like everybody else Go, watch me float away, well, I scream, "no" Every time I get close, they pull out their phones Like, "Maybe this time we can see him explode" Blew me up like a balloon and let me go They all throwing rocks 'cause they're tryna poke holes They wanna see me pop, they don't wanna see me blow They're the reason that I'm gone, they don't wanna see me go Blew me up like a balloon and left me