Why does faking this calm exhaust me more
Than all the things that my dreams have in store
I'll close my eyes and relive every horrible thing
That I've endured every day since the Spring
We're all so tired the only lights out this Christmas
Are from the ambulance taking your neighbor from her house
If New Year's is any better then maybe at last
Fireworks at midnight will keep the nightmares drowned out
Asking why I seem absent makes my chest tight
I can't explain I lie awake while you sleep at night
I will apologize for existing like this
You tell me it's okay, it never is
I wish that this fake smile could become the truth
But as long as we're all sick and broke there is no use
I lie to myself that I'm lying for your sake
To say you are not strong enough to see that this is all that I can take
