2 Bed, 2 Bath (And a Ghost)

The old man next door says his house is haunted He says a ghost keeps him awake I think he's having a hard time, to be honest Since his darling passed away But he fears that a phantom Has finally found him... some nemesis that never quit holding a grudge The old man next door says his house is haunted It's best to be upfront with some tough love I said Robert I'm so sorry Your house ain't haunted You're just not used to bein' alone Robert all the creaks and shifts are just the sounds you missed When you shared your home He says: no, no, no, no no no... I've had some close calls with falling items I'm duckin' picture frames and dinner plates and all All my daily meds: I can never find 'em They're put in places that I never would've done And the furniture shifts and it caused me to trip I wake up with my pillow on my face every night It sounds silly but this house is tryin' to kill me Will you come see? Just stay with me? Just stay with me one time? I said Robert I'm so sorry Your house ain't haunted You're just not used to bein' alone Robert all the shifts and creaks are just the signs of grief Now you're living on your own... But okay, I'll go... And I can't help but feel absurd because nothing That I've heard from the downstairs room Is of paranormal origin, it's 4 am, this poor old man is just confused But wait I hear footsteps... on the stairs... They're gettin' louder and louder... Above me... They're stomping I pray it's just Robert until I hear him scream my name NEIGHBOR GUY! And I go running up the stairs, jumping three at a time And I'm fully unprepared for the terrors I will find I burst into the room and by the light of the moon It's a ghost as real as both me and you And it wasn't the butler that he sacked without cause Or that surly groundskeeper or that mafia boss Or his old business partner that he stabbed in the back Or the ghost of Christmas Future, Present or Past And it wasn't the guy from the mishap at the zoo Or that other guy from the other mishap at the zoo No, of all the spooky specters Robert wronged in his life The ghost floating between us was his darling dead wife And she said Robert, I'm so sorry Didn't mean to scare you I'm just not used to bein' alone Robert, ya see, death's a one way street And I can't find my way back home Robert, I figured I'd just come getcha I thought a haunting might do the trick Robert, I'm sorry, I thought it'd be easier I don't remember you bein' this quick... The old house next door's got a sign out front now A for sale sign tied to a post So, attention shoppers, you can make an offer On a 2 bed, 2 bath and a Ghost